When you’re growing as a person, you’ll find yourself alone at some point.
This aloneness is called friendship purgatory. A period of time where you’ll have no real friends. For the socially awkward, I’m sure they’re quite familiar with this.
You can find yourself here in two ways, by choice or by lack of social skills. Both are the same in the sense you’re growing (or need to grow) and you simply don’t match with the people who are around you.
Smart people tend to be a bit more socially awkward.
This awkwardness thrusts you into friendship purgatory. A painful time because you don’t fit in and you don’t have a group to call your own. Nobody is going to tell you how to be less socially awkward too, so it’s something you have to figure out on your own. But this compounds the problem. You fall behind on your social skills development because you never get a chance to develop yourself.
There is no easy solution for these types.
The best starting point is to read books on persuasion and how to influence people, then apply what you learn. You’re socially awkward. This is a gigantic beast that must be slain for you to move forward and live a happy, productive life. It’s a problem, a person crisis you must solve. Small talk, understanding other peoples needs and having the fortitude to stand up for yourself against cry bullies are essential skills you’ll have to cultivate.
This will get you out of your exile to friendship purgatory.
You’ll start to develop relationships, enjoy nights out, go to parties and not feel weird, socially drink and enjoy that aspect of life. Basically do the things everyone else was doing while you were being awkward.
Yet you may return again though, sooner than you think.
The next time will be on your terms however.
Let me explain.
Most want to fit in, especially people who don’t. But once you start to fit in, you realize that the majority of people are pretty stupid, boring or some combination of the two and not really worth your time. If you’re not one for the quite life of desperation (David Thoreau), you’ll want to achieve a high level of success for your finances and lifestyle.
You can’t do this if you’re surrounded by very average people.
Not to say that average people are bad, but when you look at someone like a military officer, a CEO or a doctor. Think and reflect.
Who are their friends and why?
People of a similar social status and mindset.
Sometimes this is a personal decision, other times it that comes about by happenstance. Your social circle is normally made up of people you work with or live near. But how many of your friends are such because you choose them and they choose you?
How many are at a higher level than you? Make a lot of money by most peoples standards? Have their own business? Travel the world? Are in great shape? Have great people skills?
If not, start doing interesting stuff.
Winners want to hang out with winners. Interesting and dynamic people are always up to something. Average people do the same thing year after year. They’re the type that you come back home to after living abroad and realize that NOTHING has changed for them.
So what about you? What’s changed for you? What interesting project are you up to? Are you building something? Writing something? Doing something new? Anything? ANYTHING?
So two YouTubers and small business owners I really like are Nick Bare and Radu Antonio. Nick is an ROTC grad who just finished up his military commitment in Korea. He launched his business while in college and grew it and his YouTube channel DESPITE being an officer in the US Army and having to work from 6 am to 5 pm everyday. Meaning, he worked non-stop for years and years.
Radu is a young guy from Romania who built his fitness business with his YouTube channel by working hard and building the right relationships. He passed $30,000 a month in income and is now working on his first fitness app.
These guys are are up to something. They’re busy living interesting lives.
Who do you think their friends are? Pot smoking hipsters? Weak, beta male video gamers?
They’re busy doing stuff, people want to be apart of whatever it is their doing because success is attractive. As such, they attract a higher quality person.
Embrace being alone
When you’re alone because you’re awkward, that sucks. But when you’re alone because you’re a man on a mission (or woman) who is striving to do something difficult and interesting, it’s a good re-frame to adopt.
I’m not alone, i’m just in friendship purgatory.
I don’t really match with anyone around me, but this is temporary.