Online dating apps. Tinder, Bumble, OKCupid oh my.
These dating apps are crap. I know that is not the most sophisticated thing to say. How I honestly feel is that they damage women and men but in different ways.
They damage women because women end up vying for the same 20% of guys. These 20% of guys get attention, sex and most of the women they desire and have no need to settle down. This confuses women because women like to apply how they think and feel onto how men think and feel. Not realizing that men are not women.
So you end up with women being able to go out with the sort of man they are attracted to and want to sleep with, but then feeling used and hurt when the guy does not commit to them.
This leaves women saying the old and tired “where are all the good guys” – they’re their. You’re just not attracted to them.
Online dating apps and online dating sites hurt guys because it’s a waste of time for most guys. Send a bunch of email and never get a reply.
Anyways, after countless one night stands and wasting time with young, attractive 20 something year old girls the following is my online dating advice. AND NO I don’t say any of this to brag. It’s just reality that when a guy gets into his 30’s and he has money + in shape + experience + being handsome = choice with women.
Here is my old online dating profile for OKCupid and Plenty of Fish:
It worked amazingly well at getting women to email me and start a lot of good (and stupid) conversations. But seriously, I was bombarded with emails – and it began a lot of email exchanges that lead to dates, sex and what not. All because I wrote something that really stood out:
Honestly, whats the point of this part? I don’t think girls actually read this area. You just look at my pics and 1) disqualify me if you don’t think I am cute or 2) you read what I wrote and return my message only *after* viewing my pics to see if I am cute enough.
This is why guys generally don’t put in the effort online because it goes unrewarded. Yea I could talk about how I am in shape and I’m smart and I want a family and I like pets, and I’m entrepreneurial. I could get into all the ways you would be lucky to have a guy like me…but you don’t care about any of that. You just care about what the pics are.
Because I forgot that arrogance is a new trait among so many on this site, that you look down on guys, that because you think your so pretty and wear nice clothes, but have nothing to offer other than your looks you deserve some GQ looking guy. Oh and if you thought I was cute and actually read to this point…high five, what I just wrote was a test to see if girls read profiles or not, and if you don’t think im cute but read this ha ha tricked you, I was probably not that interested in you anyways. (and yes I agree, the above applies to guys as well, …and yes this was meant to be slightly truthful/humorous since most of us go of the pictures, make a + or — decision THEN read the profile….looking forward to see what kind of hate mail I get with this, Ill keep you up to date)
It’s funny and it demonstrates an underlying behavior of women. They all go after the top 20% of guys and are way more selective and superficial then men are. While that famous OKCupid study found that most men found most women acceptable, only a fraction of men were attractive enough for women.
You end up with women who think they’re too good for guys who they would be lucky to even have a chance with because they’re holding out for Mr GQ 6 pack.
Women like to think guys are shallow, but women are just the same. They are simply picker and most men won’t make the cut. Fair enough, men and women like what they like.
As a man you honestly should be striving to be a top shelf guy anyways so you can have choice in your dating life. Women too. Relationships are yin and yang. If you want a more masculine man, you need to be a more feminine woman.
Fun Side note
All of my long term relationships have come through meeting people in real life by doing stuff and just organically meeting interesting girls. I suggest this as the best way if you’re looking for a relationship.
Not saying it can’t happen online. It’s just never happened for me. Most of the time I meet a girl, sleep with her on the first date. Go out again, sleep together again and that’s it.
Maybe it’s because most of the girls I meet on Tinder and OKCupid are 21-27, but that has been simply my experience.
Online Dating Profile Tips: A weak uninspiring profile:
I’m a very successful businessman who’s the VP of finance at a fortune 500 company. I like to play base guitar in my rock band, I speak 3 languages, and I save kittens from shelters on the weekend.
What I am looking for: Someone who is nice and cute.
What this is really saying is that 1) You have no idea what you want, and 2)are probably a bit full of yourself, which is not a desirable trait. The good points are you did a good job selling yourself, you just need to focus more on what you want. Develop a more balanced approach.
A stupid generic profile:
Whats up? I’m 24, I like to chill, looking for a cool girl to relax with. My goal is to win the lotto and open a bar.
What I am looking for: Someone who knows how to have a good time. Hit me up if you like what you see.
You come off like an idiot if you write this.
Female online dating profile tips:
Men focus on the pictures more than what you say. So keep your profile descriptive and unique but do not over do it.
Just craft a few nice sentences describing how you have standards, what you are looking for, things you like to do, and what you are generally all about.
Since men send the first email 75% of the time according to POF it is best to create a profile that allows a man to break the ice based off something you wrote, just don’t go overboard because your picture will determine if you get an email or not.
If you don’t write anything interesting, or are negative, don’t be surprised when you’re bombarded with simple one word messages.
Also women tend to get annoyed by this, but I can tell you as a male on Bumble WOMEN DO THE SAME THING. Just send messaged as complex as “hi, hey, hello, how are you?”
Male online dating profile tips:
The nature of an online dating site is to go off the pictures. If a woman does not find your picture attractive she will disqualify you before reading what you wrote. If a woman is REALLY into you and thinks you’re sexy then the opposite is true. What you write will not matter. For decent looking guys we got to play the middle.
My best advice is to be long, descriptive, unique, humorous, and a bit of a smart ass.
Being overly nice and generic is boring and it does not work.
First Impressions are everything
We all exaggerate a bit. You’re going to want to say you’re a bit taller than you actually are. That you make a little more money than you actually do. That you weigh a little less than is reality. My personal rule:
Lie enough to get to coffee, but not to get to bed
Don’t say “I’m a millionaire cowboy astronaut who takes time to reflect on my feelings every day”, or “I’m a cover-girl model with a PHD in European history who travels the world”. Blatant false advertising is a no no. It will just wastes your time and theirs. You want to put your best foot forward, but you want the other person to actually be interested in who you are, not who they think you are.
If you’re afraid of rejection then you have to overcome that fear. You will be rejected. You will not be cute enough for some people, thin enough for some people, tall enough for some people…but you know what? Get over it.
Strong points can make up for weak character traits:
- I’m a pathological liar, but I tell great stories!
- My IQ is about room temperature and stairs confuse me, but I’m nice to small animals and children.
Be reasonably honest so when you meet in person, your date won’t be disappointed. You want the person to like you for you. This is easier said than done, but trust me, honesty is the best policy. Always.
A profile is NOT a resume, it is a piece of sales copy advertising YOU
You take time reading reviews before you buy something. Well what the heck do you think online dating is? The profile is your sales copy, your picture is the product, the date is the test to see if it works, and the late night romp means you did the job as advertised.
You need to take time and care when filling this stuff out. It takes practice. Make a word document that is dedicated to what your online profile reads. Work on it and make changes to it little by little till it is perfect. Since it is in a word file you can easily copy and paste it on any site you end up using.
Spell check / grammar / all caps
Spell check your words and understand the difference between your and you’re, their, there, and they’re. This is essential online dating advice. Spelling errors make you look stupid.
Valuable online dating tips also include the warning to never use all caps. It makes you look like an idiot or a 14 year old girl (no offense to 14 year old girls reading this)
WHY AM I YELLING YOU MAY BE WONDERING? I AM YELLING AT YOU TO STOP USING ALL CAPS BECAUSE ANY REASONABLY INTELLIGENT PERSON FINDS THIS ANNOYING.
If you’re a girl, it’s OK to use exclamation marks. It makes you come off as happy and energetic. If you’re a guy, it makes you look a bit juvenile. So if you are a man, try to stay away from using exclamation marks if possible, you may think that it shows enthusiasm, but you’re probably wrong.
What you write and what he sees
Buying a house and getting a date, actually have a lot in common. For starters, there’s “code”. “Cozy” means small and cramped, “partial view” means a view of a building that’s in the way, and “great potential” means money pit. The same goes for what you write as a woman. This is how a guy will interpret what you write:
Healthy and Athletic: 15 lbs overweight
loves animals: has 20+ cats
free spirit: might be slutty, aka a potential random hook up
I’m a caring woman: plain looking, over 40, bakes banana bread
Intelligence is sexy: ugly
Girls just wanna have fun: chubby over-weight sorority chick
To have a chance with me: high maintenance,full of themselves
Don’t waste my time/ where are all the good men: a complainer with bad taste in men
If after all this you find yourself having trouble writing a profile that expresses who you are and what you’re all about there are always online dating profile writing services you can check out and leverage. E-yrano is the market leader in this department. They were founded by Evan Mark Katz, a popular online dating coach who has a reputation to uphold (always a good thing)
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The profile picture
Time to be creative right? NO. Pick a picture that looks like you. Have a male friend if you’re a girl, or a female friend if you’re a guy to help guide you on which one to use. What you may think looks good may not look so hot to the opposite sex. Its always best to actually ask the opposite sex first when possible. Here are some tips:
- Got the angles? What are the angles? It is those annoying pictures that are shots at odd perspectives. Having one picture like this if you are a girl is OK, guys love those shots. But if they are all like that it looks like your trying to hide your ugliness.
- DON’T use your high school photos. I don’t care if your 21, you may look good, but its weird. Why don’t you have pictures? Do you not go out, do you not have friends? These are the questions that will be raised, so do yourself a favor and ditch the school book photos.
- The best pics are the natural ones of you where you’re outside doing something dressed normally that actually looks like you. Not you 10 yrs ago, or you 20 lbs lighter.
What you send vs what she sees
You send: A pic of you with your ex cut out.
She sees: A pic of you with your ex cut out. Girls don’t like that.
You send: You only shirtless.
She sees: A weirdo.
You send: A pic with you and your pet dog.
She sees: A dog lover. Girls like that.
You send: A pic with you and your pet tarantula/python/hamster.
She sees: A Weirdo.
You send: A pic with you and your BMW/Mustang/monster truck.
She sees: A shallow status conscious guy, that thinks he can impress me with toys. She doesn’t date shallow guys.
You send: Your penis
She sees: A creepy porn freak pervert. This is the creepiest pic you can send a girl. It does not turn her on.
You send: A pic of you 20lbs lighter and 7 yrs younger.
She sees: A good looking guy, only to be disappointed when she meets you in person.
You send: You in a tux at a wedding with your friends.
She sees: She is not sure which one is you, but she thinks your cute, oh wait, she thinks your friend is cute. Sorry.
The phone conversation:
After you’ve emailed one another and both like what you see, it’s critical to talk on the phone before you meet. This is not always an absolute, but it is always nice to get as comfortable with one another as possible before you meet.
The idea of talking to a complete stranger can be a bit nerve raking for those shy types, but after you do it a few times, you will get the hang of it. Whenever you talk to someone on the phone for the first time, shoot for a 5–10 minute conversation. If it goes well then by all means go as long as need be. But to avoid the conversation having bouts of awkward silence keep it to 5–10 minutes. Ask them how they like the site, what they do for work. Listen to what the other person says and bounce things off what they say.
Towards the end of the conversation, bring up the idea of meeting for coffee or whatever in person. If you are speaking on the phone then it is obvious the other person would like to get to know you so making plans to meet is a good idea. After you make plans end the conversation. The point of talking on the phone was to develop a level of comfort with the other person as well as make plans. Once both objective are accomplished, be done with it.
One last thing about calling
So you find someone you like on a dating site, exchange a few emails, then move on to having a phone conversation. That goes well so you make some plans to spend an evening together or meet for coffee and….you’re not attracted to them in person.
So what do you do? Simply enjoy the date and call it a night. If they do not call, then they got the hint you’re not interested. If they do call or text, ignore the first time. If a second or third call or text happens, consider having the decency to tell them you’re not interested. Say something like “someone is going to be lucky to have you” (implying that it won’t be me).
From my experience however, this is rarely the case where you will have to tell the other person you’re not interested. Most can figure it out.
If all goes well
You meet someone great and that is the goal (high five). Hopefully a nice relationship will blossom. All thanks to online dating. Remember, online dating should not be your only avenue to meet people. You need to focus on having friends, a life and all that important stuff first before you bring someone else in. Online dating should just simply be another avenue to meet guys and girls you otherwise would not. Nothing more, nothing less.
Books and more books
Actually I only have one book that I recommend is called: How To Date.
This is more for guys. You ask someone out twice. If you contact the girl to spend time and do not get a response, or she tells you she is busy, follow up again a week later. If it’s the same response, that she is busy, has to work, or has other plans. Take it as a hint that she is not interested. Simple advice: When a girl likes you, she will make time for you.
We’ve reached the end!
I think I may have just written one of the longest blog post in the history of blogging. OK that is an exaggeration as a know a few that are a bit longer, but regardless, I hope you got out a lot of useful information,tips, and resources that will help you be more successful online. Like I said way back at the beginning. You will not find a more detailed post covering everything to do with online dating advice and online dating tips than this one. Just remember to be direct and honest. How to tell if a guy likes you is easy, just be honest and direct with him about how you feel. Same goes with women. Just be honest and direct with her about your feeling.
If you got value out of this, please link back with the right anchor text, stumble this monster, or retweet it out. Even if your followers could care less about online dating you could always tell them that through your surfing that you discovered an example of a quality online dating advice post revealing the best online dating tips of any post on the entire web (which is true). You could also say this long blog post that will change their world for the better and give them super powers! Well don’t say that… you’re smart, I’m sure you can think of something 🙂
Thank you for reading.