How to tell if a guy likes you short version:
- A guy may want to sleep with you, but that does not mean he likes you.
- To know if a guy really likes you for you – set standards for yourself and see if the guy is willing to meet them.
- If he meets them, and is willing to put in the work required to be with you, he likes you.
- If not, he is just sexually interested in you.
How to tell if a guy likes you long version:
Evan Marc Katz (a dating coach for women) wrote a great book on Why He Disappeared that helps women better understand how their actions affect guys behavior. Evan knows his stuff, and I love his sense of humor. With the release of his book it seems like the right time for me to tackle this subject of how to tell if a guy likes you for you, beyond just sexual attraction.
You should check out Evan’s work it’s great, but here’s my take:
How to know when a guy likes you:
First pay attention to a mans behavior. Is he aggressive towards you? Smiles a lot? Mentions how you two should do something sometimes. Seems to treat you differently from other girls? Acts differently when you’re around? Seems to be interested in what you’re interested in? Great, you’re off to a good start but don’t be fooled! He may just like you enough to want to sleep with you but nothing more.
You always know when someone is interested in you by their behavior. This is the easy part, the tough part for most women comes down to figuring out how exactly to know when a guy likes you and wants to get to know you, not just have sex with you. My answer is to set standards of behavior for yourself and to see if the man willing to meet them.
Nothing crazy mind you. Rather, just a bunch of small things. Does he call you when he says he is going to call you? Does he mention how you two should make plans? Does he always message you asking what you’re doing and reply fairly quickly to your messages? Is he polite when he talks to you or does he get sexual way to quickly with his words?
What are the things you expect from him?
In Why He Disappeared Evan talks a lot about the things women do that drive men away when things seem to be going so well. Thing that turn men off and push them away.
Men look for sex and find love – women look for love and sex
We are all descended (that means women too) from men who did not pass up opportunities to have sex. Men in general behave like sperm and women behave like eggs. Meaning men are plentiful and expendable and women are not.
For men, sex outside a committed relationship is a low risk high gain proposition from a biological standpoint. For women it’s a high risk high gain proposition. This is why girls are much more selective about their sexual partners than men are. Girls have to make sure that the man has good genes (physically attractive), is a good provider (successful, dominant male) or both.
For men however, it is a numbers game.
How can you tell If a guy likes you
So how do you know if a guy actually likes you or if he just wants to sleep with you? Also, how do you deal with an attractive or successful man that you wan to jump into bed with right away, but still want to have a relationship with? Easy. Slow down. As a woman you hold all the cards when it comes to sex.
Pro tip: Value is create by setting standards for yourself
The first step toward discovering if a guy likes you and when a guy likes you is to create value in yourself. What does that mean you might be thinking. Let me ask you, why are gold and diamonds so valuable? Answer: Because they are rare and are not easy to get or come by.
You too must become like a diamond – not easy to get. Not easy to come by. Unique and rare.
To attract the best, you have to first be the best. So before you can increase your level of expectations for men, you need to increase the level of expectation you have for yourself. Why? Because the relationship you have with yourself is the relationship you will have with others.
Focus on things like health, beauty, education. Men need a woman that is fun and beautiful, but who is also smart and engaging…at least the best quality men do. The kind of men you would actually want to have a relationship with. So be modest but sexy. Selective but flirtatious. Never arrogant and unreasonable.
Men are visual and looks matter – no sense fighting this truth.
But you want a guy who actually likes you and is not simply attracted to you right?
This is where the idea of creating value and setting standards for yourself comes from. By creating value through making yourself a very attractive woman in all sense of the word (mind, body, soul) AND also setting standards for the men in you life…it will be easy to answer the question of how to tell if a guy likes you.
This is what I mean by setting standards: He must demonstrate that he is capable and willing to treat you a certain way first before you consider sleeping with him. This helps filter out men who only like you because they want to have sex with you, from men who like you and want to have sex with you, but also want a relationship.
So by making yourself not easy to get or come by through setting standards and expectations, you are making yourself more valuable and putting your price too high for guys who are not really that interested in you.
Setting standards is the real key to determine if a guy really likes you
All guys are interested in sex, and most guys you meet would sleep with you if you allowed it. It matters little if they are 16 or 60. It’s the same deal. If we like what we see, we are going to try and get it. Period. So when it comes to women, that is always the plan of attack for most men:
- To find out if we have a chance with you.
- If we do have a chance, figure out what it is going to cost to get it.
Why do you think that guy stopped to talk to you about your favorite movie in the video section at Walmart? Why do you think he decided to sit next to you in class? Why do you think he is talking to you about what you like and what your interests are? No, it is not to learn anything from you or to find out your likes and dislikes. It is because he saw something he liked and is now trying to get it.
It is really that uncomplicated. No, he does not care what your sign is, or what you do for a living, or what you did with your friends this past summer. This is what women do….
trying to get to know the man so they can evaluate him to see if he has potential. We want to know if we can sleep with you and what we need to do to make that happen.
If he knows that he is going to have to treat you with respect, call you once a day, spend every weekend with you, drive to pick you up, open doors for you and show he can commit to you and only you for a period of time, that is work and investment. That investment in time money and energy might be too much for most guys like Mr Locario who advocate sleeping with the guy right away. Which I personally think is just dumb!
You’re either long term potential, or you’re just “getting to know each other”
Now sometimes I know I make men seem like jerks, but to make a man do what you want you need to set expectations. If you have no expectations you have no value. If you have no value you’re basically the Walmart of dating. It is game on for any man at this point.
A man will group you in his head as someone who is a keeper and has long term potential, or as someone who is just for fun. If he groups you as someone who is just for fun, he is simply interested in sex with you. By setting standards you can quickly eliminate this type. If the guy actually likes you, then he will step up to the plate and meet your requirements.
This is the best to know if a guy likes you or when a guy likes you but it is not the end all and be all.
It can happen that you sleep with a guy right away and have a great relationship. This happens with a guy that likes you. The problem is you never know for sure which way he is viewing you until you set standards. So Mr Locario is right. If you sleep with a guy right away and he sticks around he likes you. But you run the risk of being grouped as someone who does not have serious potential as a girlfriend. It is really your decision.
How to tell if a guy likes you: Recap
- If a man likes what he sees, he will approach you and talk to you. This does not mean necessarily he likes you, it just means he is attracted to you.
- He is trying to figure out if he can sleep with you and if he can sleep with you, how much effort it is going to take.
- If you’re a high quality girl that sets levels of expectations for your self and for the men in your life, you will weed out the guys who are just looking for fun.
- The guys who like you will stick around and do the work.
Pro dating for how you can tell if a guy likes you:
Hey before you go, if you’re frustrated about why a guy seems to like you at first but then backs off you might want to check out:
- Evan Mark Katz’s Why He Disappeared
I get a lot of email from women and I have heard so many of your questions on why men behave the way they do. Why do guys disappear when they seem interested at first? Why do guys back off and seem to lose interest. Why do guys do what they do?
I really like “Why He Disappeared” because not only is it a dead on in explaining men, but it gives real insight into what you may be doing that drives men away. Evan has been coaching women for several years and he is someone I can trust. Check it out!