Go ask a girl what she wants in a man… I’ll wait, don’t worry
She will tell you things like: nice, good looking, has a job, treats me with respect, wants children, faithful, high quality, caring, smart. This is all true. These are things she does want… but they are not necessarily things she needs.This difference is not simply semantics, it is the difference between attracting a woman and chasing her.
When you do ask a woman what she wants she will speak from a logical perspective, listing things that would make her mother proud. Unfortunately qualities such as “kind and caring” do not trigger off an emotional connection in her to you. It does not foster that deep, powerful, and necessary chemistry that will be the foundation for any romantic relationship.
In the same way you are attracted to a woman’s feminine qualities, she is equally attracted to your masculine qualities.
Masculine energy, your essence, is what she wants and needs in a man. She will be naturally attracted to a man who embraces his sexuality just like you are attracted to a girl who embrace hers.
Balance is what it is all about
If you want an extremely feminine woman like the one pictured above, you yourself need to project equal masculinity on the other end. Equal but opposite. Remember, equal but opposite. Every quality a woman seeks in a man, is a quality that fills a core need.
Qualities that are core needs (non negotiable, you must possess them)
- Makes decisions and is a leader
- Authority and excellence
- Sense of humor
Leadership and decision making
An innate desire in every man is to be a leader at some point in life. No necessarily in every situation all the time, but a least some of the time we are the man others go to. While this is not something women seem to concern themselves with, it is something they are deeply attracted to. A man who leads. A man who makes decisions. A man who displays his masculine dominance.
Leadership is an aphrodisiac for women. In every society, everywhere in the world, there is a hierarchy of the men at the top, and the men at the bottom. Be it on a sports team, an office setting, government, a rain forest tribe, or a small social gathering with friends. It matters little the context, the hierarchy exists.
The top is the leader, the person calling the shots and inspiring others. This is what women want in a man more than anything else. More that all the other core needs listed. Leadership, decision making, dominance.
Unfortunately there are two types of male leaders, both of which women find equally attractive for the same reason: they feel safe with him. The first is the guy who is at the top and is comfortable being at the top. He inspires and uplifts others. The second man is the bully. The jerk. The tough guy. The insecure guy who has to crush everyone around him to lift himself up.
Please be the first. I have gotten into way too many fist fights with the second.
Authority and excellence
Never do things half ass-ed, always be excellent. She needs to know that you have the personal qualities to make things happen, do things right, and be successful. Do not focus too much on money however. It is not money women are attracted too, it is the qualities that bring about success.
Success = excellence in everything you do. Be it social gatherings, work, play, and so forth. Beyond financial success, it will bring about social success, and social success is infinitely more important to a woman than financial. Women want to be with the busy and popular guy, not the workaholic. This was true for when you were in high school, it still is true as a full grown man.
Confidence is non negotiable. You must be a confident man. As insecure and sensitive as you think you are, women are immensely more sensitive and insecure than you will ever be. Remember, shy = weak in a woman’s eyes. So why do women need confidence in a man?
The simple reason is women worry to a much greater degree than men do. They worry about their safety. Their children. Their future. About getting old, losing their looks which give them all their power over men. As women ages, this causes anxiety because they know their power and control over men is fragile and fleeting with time.
As age increase and looks decrease, they feel their social currency decreasing. The opposite is true for men however. As men age, our attractiveness increases because we tend to get bigger, stronger, more success, more confident, more dominant as we move up the hierarchy mentioned earlier. With time, we become more of a confident leader who lives an excellent and fun lifestyle. As time passes social value for men increases, and social value decreases for women, and they know this.
To put it succinctly, they need a man who is confident because the majority of the time they are not.
Sense of humor
Showing a sense of humor, that things do not get to you, and that you can laugh at yourself shows you are emotionally stable. Women need a man who is emotionally stable because they know they are not.
I don’t mean to imply women are off the walls and hysterical, but they allow themselves to have a wider range of extremes in regards to emotions than men do. They need humor, emotional stability in a confident successful man to help contain the volatility of emotions they experience.
So a man who is fun, humorous and adventurous can show he laughs things off no matter what life has thrown his way.
Remember, never get too down about things. Show you are emotionally stable and have things under control. That she can count on you to keep it together in a crunch. This is the essence of humor as a core need for a woman.
Genuine means that you form a real emotional connection with her. Your are comfortable enough with yourself to show the best parts of yourself, without engineering them to be what you think she is looking for. By being genuine, you show your vulnerabilities, but also allow her to show hers.
Take a look at the picture above. That gorgeous blond with the wham and the bamb. You know what? She would much rather wear a pair of comfortable jeans and a t-shirt hanging out with friends. She dresses like this hoping to meet the right guy. A guy with equal masculinity to match her femininity. At the end of the day, meeting that genuine, masculine man who is comfortable to show parts of himself means she can do the same and not worry about all that artifice. That social mask. She no longer has to put on a show of something she is not because she is able to connect with someone who is very real and allows her to be herself.
Lastly, don’t be something you are not…
women can pick up on this very quick because they are intuitive. Embrace your masculine energy and the absurdity of life. Project genuine calm, confidence and domiance. Learn to internalize these five core needs of women into your person, authentically and honestly. Become the man she wants and needs. Hopefully, the answer to the question “what do women want” will be you.
Dating does not work. At least not the traditional concept of dating.
In all honesty, I actually think it is pretty ineffectual and that we have all be duped by it. Duped into thinking that products = romance. Products like movies, jewelry, restaurants. Much like how I think you should stop saying I love you because it becomes an all to easy, “lazy mans” way of saying how important the other person is to you; so should go all these other products.
Restaurant owners, movie theaters, and jewelers (particularly jewelers!)
want you to believe that spending money buying their wares is what love is all about. Buying into this belief system is easy because the marketing is so effective, but it has little to with creating a real relationship. One based on honesty and openness.
I like to take a genuine interest in someone new I meet.
To spend time getting to know them. Ideally I like to remove all distractions, all pomp and circumstance and really get to know the other person. Sometimes this leads to a very boring conversation with someone who is not particularly engaging, other times it leads to a wonderful 3-4 hour talk covering a multitude of different subjects.
Getting to know the other person on a deep level is what a real relationship is all about.
Too often pretty girls think that just because they are pretty and wear nice shoes, but have little to offer otherwise deserve Mr GQ. This type tends to attract a “show off” type man. That guy that talks about money and how his gran dad was a war hero and how he drives a Maserati, and is going be a international man of mystery.
Both these two end up unhappy. The girls unable to meet a quality man that is good enough for them, and the guys who feel anxiety and insecurity about having to impress people they don’t care about to begin with.
Look, if you really like someone or think that someone has potential, take a genuine interest in them and stop making assumptions.
It bothers me how the art of conversation is dead. It’s now become: “Oh you like me? Great when can we have sex?”
Bypass the small talk, the interview questions like:
- have any siblings?
- whats your sign?
- where did you go to school?
- do you like your job?
…and go for the really deep hard hitting emotional stuff like:
Speak slowly and with great purpose. Really think about your answers, and also listen attentively. If you do this right, you are eventually going to form a really deep bond with someone. Not in a matter of weeks or months as traditional dating would have it, but in a matter of days. Even hours.
Get to the point
Dating is stupid because it is such a timid way of getting to know someone. Girls thinking that if they meet a guy it’s all or nothing, and guys think they can not show the real them at first (so they puff themselves up a bit about things).
All of this becomes a pointless boring distraction. It can also be quit expensive as dinner, movies, drinks, add up. Giving you the false impression that it is impossible to meet someone new and of quality because financially, things are tight right now.
Instead, just get to the point! That is what I do. When I meet someone I am interested in and have spent some time with, I make it clear what my intentions are. I simply tell the other person: “I think you are amazing, I am very attracted to you, and I want to explore the possibility of a relationship with you”. How to tell if a guy likes you is easy. Ask. Directly.
This takes a bit of practice, and a bit of courage, but it is the most effective way to creating a real relationship with someone who feels the same way, and it takes very little time (as opposed to going on two or three dates only to have the other person disappear). Honestly, how long would it take for you to recite the above statement? 9 seconds? Much better than beating around the bush for a month.
This is how I expect to begin ANY new relationship with someone
When I get to know someone and find myself becoming attracted to the other person, and feel something wonderful could develop if things progress a bit more deeply, then I share how I am feeling. Sure, I could play silly games to figure out if the other person feels the same or not, but just getting to the point is a lot faster, and a lot more fun. Also, you may be surprised to discover just who is actually interested in you!
Rejection is necessary, good, and welcomed
Personal development + self realization + financial abundance + empowered relationships. When you have done the necessary work on yourself, when you have discovered who you are and what your all about, when you are making a good income at something you love, then and only then can you have an empowered relationship. The kind of relationship I have been talking about.
Too often people settle for a relationship instead of choosing a relationship.
They look to fill a void in their life with a relationship instead of doing the hard necessary work. Also, people get so hung up on fear of rejection is actually amuses me a bit. In order to create a real relationship based on openness and honesty, you need to realized that rejection is still a good outcome.
It is a good outcome because rejection allows you to let go of someone who you misread. They don’t feel the same. That is a disappointment, but it is not the end of the world. You should appreciate honesty in others. Even if it is not always to your liking. They just saved you a lot of grief and time by sharing that they do not feel the same. Simply move on and apply your attention to someone new.
But Dave, what if the are taken back by how direct you are?
Then it is not a good fit. She does not appreciate openness and honesty. I am glad I discovered this sooner rather than later. I have little patience for women who want to play games, who delve into drama and pageantry, who put up walls.
If she does respond positively, then that is an absolutely wonderful feeling. Knowing she likes you and is interested in exploring something deeper is a great feeling. It may not lead anywhere, but at least we agreed to explore together. Really, this is one of my favorite feelings. I wish it had its own word.
Openness and honesty = respect
Even in my non romantic relationships, openness and honesty is something I appreciate and respect. I like people who are blunt with me because it helps me be better. If I am being a bit in your face (like maybe I am with this post) tell me. If I am being insensitive, tell me. Maybe I am just unaware of the impression that I am giving off to others. Instead of running around behind my back and assuming things about me, just confront me.
I am an active person with a ton of ideas. I simply do not have time for people who are not direct with me. I have found when people are indirect it is because they are afraid of rejection, or running the relationship in some way. When you don’t express openly your thoughts, feelings, desires, and passions it is a huge disappointment for me.
Getting to the damn point is purposeful, professional, and useful in romantic situations, as well as other social interactions.
I don’t mean being vulgar, pushy, or bothersome. I simply mean sharing how you really feel. Sharing what your attentions are, and where you think this relationship is going. Once you make it know what your intentions, desires, and feelings are, you give the other person an opportunity to reject or accept. As I said, this saves time, money, and heartache.
So how do I respond when someone lays it all out?
When girls do it, I love it. Even if I am not interested in her, she already has earned my respect because she has courage. I know how painfully sensitive a girl can be. How afraid of rejection they are. So when a girl opens up about her feelings for me this instantly tells me that we might have a lot in common.
If I felt the same then I would share that I felt the same. This is easy and fun.
If I did not feel the same, I would be as careful and gentle as I could be sharing that I don’t feel the same. Hurting someone emotionally is not something I do.
Lastly is perhaps I am unsure. Could be just be bad timing. Maybe I have my heart set on someone else at the moment perhaps. Maybe I just need more time to explore. Maybe I never considered the other person.
To wrap this up
If you want to create a real relationship with someone and have it be honest and open, skip the dating and the drama. Get right to the point by getting to know each other on a deeper level. Sometimes, it will just result in a boring conversation, but other times it will kick things into high gear and you will be amazed by how much fun and exciting it can be.