Go ask a girl what she wants in a man… I’ll wait, don’t worry
She will tell you things like: nice, good looking, has a job, treats me with respect, wants children, faithful, high quality, caring, smart. This is all true. These are things she does want… but they are not necessarily things she needs.This difference is not simply semantics, it is the difference between attracting a woman and chasing her.
When you do ask a woman what she wants she will speak from a logical perspective, listing things that would make her mother proud. Unfortunately qualities such as “kind and caring” do not trigger off an emotional connection in her to you. It does not foster that deep, powerful, and necessary chemistry that will be the foundation for any romantic relationship.
In the same way you are attracted to a woman’s feminine qualities, she is equally attracted to your masculine qualities.
Masculine energy, your essence, is what she wants and needs in a man. She will be naturally attracted to a man who embraces his sexuality just like you are attracted to a girl who embrace hers.
Balance is what it is all about
If you want an extremely feminine woman like the one pictured above, you yourself need to project equal masculinity on the other end. Equal but opposite. Remember, equal but opposite. Every quality a woman seeks in a man, is a quality that fills a core need.
Qualities that are core needs (non negotiable, you must possess them)
- Makes decisions and is a leader
- Authority and excellence
- Sense of humor
Leadership and decision making
An innate desire in every man is to be a leader at some point in life. No necessarily in every situation all the time, but a least some of the time we are the man others go to. While this is not something women seem to concern themselves with, it is something they are deeply attracted to. A man who leads. A man who makes decisions. A man who displays his masculine dominance.
Leadership is an aphrodisiac for women. In every society, everywhere in the world, there is a hierarchy of the men at the top, and the men at the bottom. Be it on a sports team, an office setting, government, a rain forest tribe, or a small social gathering with friends. It matters little the context, the hierarchy exists.
The top is the leader, the person calling the shots and inspiring others. This is what women want in a man more than anything else. More that all the other core needs listed. Leadership, decision making, dominance.
Unfortunately there are two types of male leaders, both of which women find equally attractive for the same reason: they feel safe with him. The first is the guy who is at the top and is comfortable being at the top. He inspires and uplifts others. The second man is the bully. The jerk. The tough guy. The insecure guy who has to crush everyone around him to lift himself up.
Please be the first. I have gotten into way too many fist fights with the second.
Authority and excellence
Never do things half ass-ed, always be excellent. She needs to know that you have the personal qualities to make things happen, do things right, and be successful. Do not focus too much on money however. It is not money women are attracted too, it is the qualities that bring about success.
Success = excellence in everything you do. Be it social gatherings, work, play, and so forth. Beyond financial success, it will bring about social success, and social success is infinitely more important to a woman than financial. Women want to be with the busy and popular guy, not the workaholic. This was true for when you were in high school, it still is true as a full grown man.
Confidence is non negotiable. You must be a confident man. As insecure and sensitive as you think you are, women are immensely more sensitive and insecure than you will ever be. Remember, shy = weak in a woman’s eyes. So why do women need confidence in a man?
The simple reason is women worry to a much greater degree than men do. They worry about their safety. Their children. Their future. About getting old, losing their looks which give them all their power over men. As women ages, this causes anxiety because they know their power and control over men is fragile and fleeting with time.
As age increase and looks decrease, they feel their social currency decreasing. The opposite is true for men however. As men age, our attractiveness increases because we tend to get bigger, stronger, more success, more confident, more dominant as we move up the hierarchy mentioned earlier. With time, we become more of a confident leader who lives an excellent and fun lifestyle. As time passes social value for men increases, and social value decreases for women, and they know this.
To put it succinctly, they need a man who is confident because the majority of the time they are not.
Sense of humor
Showing a sense of humor, that things do not get to you, and that you can laugh at yourself shows you are emotionally stable. Women need a man who is emotionally stable because they know they are not.
I don’t mean to imply women are off the walls and hysterical, but they allow themselves to have a wider range of extremes in regards to emotions than men do. They need humor, emotional stability in a confident successful man to help contain the volatility of emotions they experience.
So a man who is fun, humorous and adventurous can show he laughs things off no matter what life has thrown his way.
Remember, never get too down about things. Show you are emotionally stable and have things under control. That she can count on you to keep it together in a crunch. This is the essence of humor as a core need for a woman.
Genuine means that you form a real emotional connection with her. Your are comfortable enough with yourself to show the best parts of yourself, without engineering them to be what you think she is looking for. By being genuine, you show your vulnerabilities, but also allow her to show hers.
Take a look at the picture above. That gorgeous blond with the wham and the bamb. You know what? She would much rather wear a pair of comfortable jeans and a t-shirt hanging out with friends. She dresses like this hoping to meet the right guy. A guy with equal masculinity to match her femininity. At the end of the day, meeting that genuine, masculine man who is comfortable to show parts of himself means she can do the same and not worry about all that artifice. That social mask. She no longer has to put on a show of something she is not because she is able to connect with someone who is very real and allows her to be herself.
Lastly, don’t be something you are not…
women can pick up on this very quick because they are intuitive. Embrace your masculine energy and the absurdity of life. Project genuine calm, confidence and domiance. Learn to internalize these five core needs of women into your person, authentically and honestly. Become the man she wants and needs. Hopefully, the answer to the question “what do women want” will be you.
Most advice on attraction and dating is stupid. This advice is quality because it is thoughtful and honest. Please share with those you think it would benefit. I wrote it for them.
Oh, before you go, if you’re interested in delving deeper into attracting women, my friend David Wygant has this amazing audio series called Men’s Mastery that covers all this stuff in way more detail. Even if you’re pretty good with the ladies, David can help you get to the next level with attracting the kind of girls you want, regularly and naturally into the flow of your life.