How I Learned That You Can’t Really Be Friends with an Ex

A close friendship with an ex is impossible

It’s terrible idea for your mental health and well being. It stops you from dealing with the new reality that your ex is your past and not your future.

The only caveat is if you’re talking about friendship in the sense that you two are on good terms, things are amicable and you hold no grudge or negative emotions. If that’s what you’re striving for with the concept of “friendship with an ex” then go for it.

Negative thoughts and feelings are an indication that you’ve not properly dealt with something in your past. If you’re holding onto these sorts of feelings, sometimes the best way to sort it out is to talk to your ex and let them know how you feel so you’re able to move on emotionally at some point in the future.

But talking it out is not the same as working it out. Once you’ve ended a relationship you must deal with the pain of the relationship being over. Particularly if the relationship ended with the trust being destroyed through cheating.

The ex who wants to be friends — Too Painful

People can love and hate at the same time. It’s an odd thing to behold. It happens when you still care, when feelings of significance still bleed out from a wounded heart.

When your ex hates some aspects about you, it at least you let’s you know that you still matter in some small way for whatever reason.

The wanting to be friends things also comes about when you miss the person. You remember awesome experiences you two shared and you start to reminisce about how perfect the other person was for you.

THEN you come to your damn senses and remember the horrible things they did (and you did too) and how all that brought chaos into your relationship.

That make you realize one thing:

YOU ARE NOT THE PERSON I THOUGH YOU WERE.

This is a terrible realization because when you’re in a relationship it’s important to know who the other person is and to know where you two are going. Otherwise it’s an illusion. You don’t know your place in the world and the progress you thought you were making toward a better life was just a dream.

Being Friends with your ex

People tend to want to be friends with an ex because the pain of cutting someone off is too great, too difficult. It also tends to be the situation that you don’t want to be friends per say, it’s more like one person is done and the other can’t fully let go. If you can’t let go, you’re just going to torture yourself and waste valuable time you need to mend your heart and reorient yourself back to being happy and single.

You’re simply preventing yourself from finding someone new.

In more terrible instances you’re simply tourturing yourself when your ex is someone you really love and still want to be with.

Keeping things amicable and remembering the best parts of your relationship is really the reason why you should NOT be friends with your ex. It ruins those memories.

Not being friends also enables you to be single, truly single and able to find someone new.

So when your ex still want to be friends, go for it. Be friends, be on good terms if that’s what you mean.But don’t actually try to be close friends who hang out, go to the movies and talk on the phone everyday.

You’ve not properly ended the relationship if that’s the case. Draw a line in the sand. Either get back together or let the other person go.

Which brings me back to my second sub topic for this article.

Getting back together with an ex

How do I get my ex back?

Young people tend to want to know this because young people are idiots. I’m going to tell you now to NOT get back with an ex ever. But you won’t listen because you’re young and dumb.

So this is what will happen if you do get back together with your ex:

The relationship won’t be any better, it will actually be good a for a few a week or two, then it will get bad again. Then you’ll break up for good a few months later because of trust and hate and resentment issues.

You could reconnect I guess with an ex again a few years down the road. People do grow and change, but getting back with an ex is a foolish waste of time. Particularly if you’re a young man. You instead should be focused on money, travel, fitness and sex.

Being friends with an ex never works

My ex an I broke up because I cheated on her simply because I simply did not trust her. She was the type that would want girls night out. For example, she wanted to go to a full moon party with just her girlfriends.

A full moon party is an all night club on a beach for 20 somethings from around the world.

In the past shes gone with other boyfriends to the full moon party, why can’t I go with her now? Because the wants to be free to have have causal sex obviously.

Ok.

You really think I’m going to stay home and be a good boy?

No.

She was shocked to find out I simply did not stay home and twiddle my thumbs while she was at a party on the beach drinking and potentially hooking up with guys (side note – she did).

I should have simply broken up with her before she went in retrospection. I should have just said, you can go,  – but you’re not coming back my GF.

Anyways, she was your typical Thai, and typical woman with a double standard. She can do XYZ and but I CAN’T do XYZ.

That gets boring.

We lasted a year and genuinly got a long really well. But I’m not the sort of man to put up with this and I did’t.

After our breakup we stopped talking for about 3 months, then started talking again. Having sex again, and being in this weird friends with benefits state.

It was a mess because it prevented me from being open to someone new as well as it stopped her too. You think it won’t, as at this point we were both clear we would not date each other again – but it really does because she was constantly wanting to know if I was having sex with other girls (I was but I lied about it) and then I asked the same thing and she would obviously lie to me.

It was finally over when I went to a concert with a female friend who I’ve been friends with for years AND my ex knew about.

I saw my ex there and she was so hurt to see me with another girl, so jealous it finally ended.

What a waste of time.

That’s why you should not be friends with an ex or get back with an ex because it’s all just one big waste of time. Time that could be spent building your online business or getting, getting into shape or getting to know someone new.

-David

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