Real and Raw Dating Advice for Women (Must Read)

I'm writing this from Vietnam, here they have a culture that does not lie to women. Young Vietnamese women who are 27, 28 and still single are pressured to pick a guy, get married and get on with life.

The reason is because attractive men who are 30+ years of age who are financially successful, reasonably good looking and in shape are statistically rare and want to date and start families with younger women. They are not interested in women their own age because over 35, it becomes a geriatric pregnancy.

This of course does not mean you can't age well as a woman, obviously you can still be very beautiful in your 30's and 40's, but your ability to lock down the men that you want when your over 30 becomes more challenging than when you were a 20 something.

The reality is that women should start having children in their 20's and finish up with their family in their 30's with men who are in their 20's to 30's ideally:

A woman’s age is the most important factor affecting her fertility and her chance of having a baby. The chance of having a child is much higher for women younger than 35 years and men younger than 40 years than for older women and men.

*source (aka not my opinion)

This is something women over 30 in America come surprised to find out as they experience for the first time the inability to lock down a guy they like (men will still sleep with you, though as I talked about in "how to tell if a guy likes you").

The dynamic switches

Women have sex with who they want as it's said, men have sex with who they can get. The power dynamic switches and women who hold out too long struggle to find an acceptable man (because let's be honest, a lot of men today are mediocre) to pair bond with:

Women at 18: Hot girl summer!!!
Women at 21: My body, my choice!!!
Women at 25: I'm an independent boss babe!!!
Women at 30: I REFUSE TO SETTLE!!!
Women at 35: Where are all the good men?!?!
Women at 40: THIS IS ALL MEN'S FAULT!!!
Women at 45: I'm still hot!!!
Women at 50: Why won't men my age marry me?! They only want girls under 27! They must be ped0s!
Women at 50+: Why am I invisible?! We need to change beauty norms!!

Girls like men, not boys

This will come as a surprise to any young man reading this but younger women like older men. Not grandpas, just men who have it together in all the ways a woman wants and needs in a man (physicality, presence, ambition, confidence, success, good looks and charm).

I know I personally got way more attention in my 30s from attractive 20 something year old girls than I ever did as a twenty-something myself.

A common mistake both genders make is to apply how you think and feel to the opposite sex. We're not the same and have different roles to play and look for different things.

Men your peak is 28-36, girls it looks like it's more 20-28.

It takes men longer to become attractive on average

It just takes a guy a lot longer to obtain the things women want, need and find attractive in a man. Style, wealth, status, a good network, physical fitness, social skills and so forth. Unlike girls who are born with what men want which is youth, beauty, fertility and femininity (and no we really, truly don't care about your career or ambition - it's not an attraction signal to us).

This is not to say men want to date a 16-year-old or something crazy like that (the common retort I get from saying men like younger women). A man would just prefer to date a 25 year old over a 35 year old any day of the week.

Again, once I hit my 30's I was finally able to date beautiful 20-somethings. Even now in my late 30's approaching 40 (update I'm over 40) I'm still going out with girls who are 10-20 years younger than me:

She was university student, worked part time as a yoga teacher and yes, she's stunningly beautiful as is a lot of girls in Vietnam and yes she just wanted a casual FWB relationship with me. Not every girl is looking for their prince charming as the Jordan Peterson types assume.

This is what is meant by "hot girl summer" as many girls this age are exploring their sexuality and so forth. They are at their peak and want to capitalize on their position which means going out with multiple men, going to clubs, parties and being flown out to exotic destinations.

Not every girl mind you, but it's enough of a thing that we have a term for it.

Men date what they can get (generally)

Men in general only date older women, fat women, unkept women because that's all they can get. But if you do the work and become an attractive and dynamic person who has choice in life your options open up. I don't date 40+ year old women, obese women, undisciplined women because I don't have to.

I always make this point when I'm out with younger women because they always think like a girl and ask me "what happened, why are you single" as a guy.

Not realizing that is a fair question to a 35+-year-old woman but not to a man.

Girls wanted nothing to do with me when I was younger. I didn't start getting sexual attention from girls till I was around 30-31 years old. That's when I noticed a switch happen and girls took more of an interest in me when I would go out to bars and clubs.

I'm a man, I'm not looking for a woman who to feel "safe and secure" with because men don't look for that. I've built a great life for myself and am ready to invite the right girl in who I can start a family with.

I'm also lucky because I have aged well to be honest

Not bragging, but I do realize I am lucky to some degree. I have more status and wealth than when I was younger and I'm just one of those guys that looks better a little bit older (thank you mom for the full head of hair) through eating right, exercise and sleep:

7 Simple Ways To Set Yourself Up for Success in Your 30’s

Welp, I’m no longer in my 30’s. So far life has only gotten better as I’ve aged. Life gets better when you get better as I like to say. Not that everything is perfect, things could be much better obviously, but things could also be a lot worse so I’m

Edge of DavidEdge of David

By "older men" as I previously mentioned I don't mean grandpas (as that's the go-to retort to this, "ew gross you're a creepy weird guy if you're 36 and dating a 25 year old"). Outside of the United States it's not a big deal if a 24 year old girl is dating a 35 year old guy.

A man's prime anyways like I said is 28-36, not 20-28 like a girl and the "creepy guy" thing is just a shame tactic used by older western women because they can't get the men they want.

In short dating in the USA is weird.

We pretend that girls don't like men and only want guys who are their own age, and then shame successful men for dating younger women who are 20-30 as if they are dating a 15-year-old.

It's just an insult and a cope for not liking reality.

Predatory for 30/40 something men to date 20 something women -huh?

Another new criticism I see on YouTube from girls in the west is this notion that it's "predatory" for a handsome, successful 36 year old guy to date a 22 year old girl.

God forbid a man be attracted to an attractive girl. Instead, it's argued that men want to "control and manipulate" young girls which I find silly.

If a man does not date obese women, he's fatphobic.

If he does not want to date a trans woman he's transphobic.

If he want's do date someone who is 20-29 he's a predator.

This may come as a shock to some, but men have to operate in reality.

If a single, 42 year old guy wants a family, he's going to pick someone that is 20-30 years old.

Women however can date whoever they want with no shame.

I only hear this argument from either older women who can't get the men they want to commit to them anymore or young women who are in college and have never dated a guy over 30 yet and just assume any man over 30 is some old man.

When they do actually go out with a 30+ year old guy who has it together, their mindset will change as girls find out that 30-something men with money, status, success and good looks are not the stereotypical "old man" who's fat and bald like too many young people assume.

It's just that men just like what they like which is youth, beauty and femininity. Women like what they like too which are high-status men who are physically fit, tall, attractive, successful and can provide.

But men are shamed for having a preference and women are "amazing and beautiful, you deserve it queen" for having their standards.

I would sound insane if I told a girl you only like tall men because you're intimidated by short men and only date tall men because you think you can control them.

Men are bored with these shame tactics

I've personally be shamed by family members that I should date no one younger than 35 but I'm a man, not a girl.

I did not work hard, struggle for a decade to figure my life out, put up with a ton of rejection and trauma from having a difficult life, build myself up to finally get attention from younger attractive girls, only to tell them "no" so I can get with an overweight 37 year old women that wanted nothing to do with me 10 years earlier.

It's funny how a 24-year-old girl can be a "strong independent woman" who can make her own decisions or a helpless child depending on the emotional narrative women want to argue.

Also, I'm not forcing younger women to go out with me nor do I only date younger girls. I date women who are 30-35 too. I date who I like and who who likes me.

Duh.

The issue comes from women not wanting to settle down because they think they can do better or think they are too young for a serious relationship, waiting too long, then finding themselves in their 30's still single and all the men they want are busy dating younger women.

But these same 30 something women dated older men when they were 20 something so the hypocrisy is palpable. "Rules for thee but not for me."

I also find it odd how the conversation is only one way in that women can't be predators for using their looks to finesse older men which happens all the time.

Women have less time then men.

Mother nature gives you your gifts, father time takes it away. They have it easier at first, but if they hold out too long they get put into a reality they can't fix.

Body positivity for modern women but not for men

I get body positivity from it's humble beginnings in the mid 2000's in the sense that women have different, healthy body types and the notion that all girls should be a skinny 1990's runway model is silly, stupid and unrealistic.

I dated with this gorgeous girl from Kenya in Thailand. She had that traditional physique of a small waist, huge butt, thick full hair and was super feminine and attractive. The idea that she should strive to be skinny runway model is actually that cliche word "toxic" that is now overused.

But body positivity has gone to far like most things in that now men are now shamed for not wanting to date literally unhealthy, obese women.

I've been been told I'm too shallow because I won't give obese (not just fat) girls a chance and that I could miss out on someone who would really love me. But a girl not wanting to date me because I'm 5,10 and not 6ft - totally fine and reasonable.

Body positivity for men? Nope.

No, you still need to be 6 feet tall and have abs and be totally fine if a girl won't date you because you're 5ft 8.

But you're a bad person if you won't date her if she's 5ft 3 and weighs 190 pounds.

Even this perverse idea is seeping into Thailand. Like Kevin Samuels said, men want fit, friendly, cooperative, young, childless women. But this is the weird clown world we live in now.

This is controversial in the United States apparently.

I've made a few vlogs about dating which I have since deleted (and will never publicly talk about again). The hate and vitriol you get as a man for stating facts like how women have a fertility window and that men are not attracted to obese women is simply shocking.

I'm deeply concerned about my country.

People are not getting married, not having children and we don't have a culture focused on family formation.

Too many women think they can hold off until 30+ as they do whatever they want, sleep around, not be serious, focus on their career and then magically find their 6ft 2, Captain America guy to marry.

Men are not robots; you can't just go to the husband store when you're ready. You need to pick a guy and build a relationship with him.

Even Sheryl Sandberg (former COO of Facebook) revealed the way many women move in the world. Date the sexy bad boys, the handsome guys, the alpha males but be OK with settling down with beta Bob when you get older:

When looking for a life partner, my advice to women is date all of them: the bad boys, the cool boys, the commitment-phobic boys, the crazy boys. But do not marry them. The things that make the bad boys sexy do not make them good husbands. When it comes time to settle down, find someone who wants an equal partner. Someone who thinks women should be smart, opinionated and ambitious. Someone who values fairness and expects or, even better, wants to do his share in the home. These men exist and, trust me, over time, nothing is sexier.

― Sheryl Sandberg, Lean In: Women, Work, and the Will to Lead

"Over time nothing is sexier."

This sounds like a cope to me personally. Yea nothing is sexier than a guy being a 2nd mom.

If you're a girl and you want a family you need to prioritize family formation by your late 20's. 30's it is starting to get late, past 35 roughly speaking you'll need to start looking at men 50+ because that 35-49 year old guy making 200K+ is not interested in a 38 year old woman as he want's to start a family, is actively getting attention from younger women and no amount of shaming language about how he's a bad person for not wanting you is going to work.

Men have to work hard and struggle to get to where they are and these men want something for their sacrifice. You have all the choice and leverage when you're young as a women, not so much when you start hitting 30+ despite how you feel.

Egg freezing insanity

Another comeback I've gotten is "you can freeze your eggs till you find the right guy." First off, egg freezing is very expensive, invasive and has a low success rate when you unfreeze and egg and try to carry a child - here is the sobering reality.

If you're over 40 you also start to get to be too old to carry a child (again this is reality, not my opinion). So you'll need to use a younger surrogate mother.

Do the men you want, want this?

Remember the world does not revolve around you.

When I was on a wine marathon tour in France, one of the girls in our group was a nice, average looking 34 year old girl who was freaking out about being single and was starting the egg freezing process.

But over a bottle of wine we got to talking. She's from California, makes 120k a year and I asked her if she would date a competent man (not a bum) who works, say as an electrician currently making 80k a year.

Maybe he will make more, he probably will, but 80K is his hypothetical income.

She said NO it's not enough. She needs a man who makes 160,000 a year minimum.

I was simply shocked.

Why are you surprised you're single I thought in my head?

You're an average looking woman who's now 34, built like a softball player, who's demanding a top tier guy.

Instead of getting with a good, honest, hard working man and starting a family, you would rather do this egg freeing nonsense and hold out for a 3% guy.

Like, the whole point of working as a woman was so you "don't need a man" which at 120k a year, you don't need a guy that much for money. Yet for women, it's an issue in a way it's not for men.

A guy making 500k a year will totally date a cute 21 year old yoga teacher because we are not the same and look for different things.

I have total empathy for you women

I know it's fun to make fun of women on YouTube over their ridiculous standards but I do have a lot of empathy. When you're 20 something, you don't have the life experience to make informed decisions.

As a guy, I do think back to when I was a 20 something. I was a total idiot.

The issue women have is they have to make tremendous life decisions in a small period of time that will affect the rest of their life.

At least as a man you can screw up in your 20's and make a comeback in your 30's or 40's. Not so for girls.

What's even worse is that attractive girls are used to getting attention. They always think there is some better guy around the corner until there isn't.

The female delusion is real

Back in Rhode Island (I visit family for 2 weeks each year) I hopped on Facebook dating out of curiosity due to all these YouTube, red pill channels talking about how dating is awful in America.

There were a lot of bad profiles, ridiculous requirements but one stood out to me:

A chubby, below average looking, 35 year old woman demanding a top tier man.

He has to be very good looking?

But you're not very good looking.

Also, why would a single man own a house?

Ashley is just a lazy woman who does not want to build with a man. She just wants to meet some "very good looking" guy who's making a high income and move into his house to start having kids (if she can even have kids considering her age and physical fitness).

Guess what Ashely....

You and every other 30 something woman is looking for this man, he's rare and in demand so why would he pick you?

In other words, what do the men you want, want?

The delusion is real, and it's sad.

Modern woman and dating - what are the solutions?

Either this post is going to fly under the radar or I'm going to get a ton of flak for it or perhaps some agreement.

But all I can say is I'm deeply concerned about America. Women all want the same 10-20% of guys which is understandable as this is female nature.

Where is gets perverse is a lot of girls think they deserve this type of guy no matter what they have done in the past and should not be held accountable for any poor decisions they made:

Remember in high school and how out of a class of 20 boys and 20 girls, all the girls like the same 3 boys?

That's how women are.

However, if you don't have children, you don't don't have a future as a society and culture.

We're facing down a cold reality with a bunch of 30-year-old+ single, childless women with unrealistic expectations of men who are massively in debt from college and won't have any money for retirement.

Average women who think getting with an honest, hard-working man who is 5 ft 9, making $70K a year is somehow settling.

We're also facing a reality with large portion of the male population is crushingly lonely and becoming socially awkward as all the women pay attention to only a small minority of men.

This contributes to the social retardation of men as they don't have any meaningful interactions with women.

This also means women can't get a meaningful relationship too because they go after a small group of men who get all the women.

Sex and the economy

Sex drives the economy, men get out there and work to provide. That's our nature. But with single, demanding, below-average women like Ashley out there, there is not much of a reason to get out of bed in the morning.

It's also puzzling how a lot of girls still push the wage gap idea (which has been eviscerated time and time again) but then in the same breath, demand a man that earn more money than them.

It's all emotional arguments not based on reality.

Things I'm sad to say are probably going to keep getting worse.

We are going to be living in a weird world where, very soon having a family will be the minority and a total flex of status, wealth and happiness.

If your a man, build yourself up. It's the only way. As a successful guy who's fit, self-employed and can live abroad I can say my dating life has never been better for the last decade. Women want and crave masculine men who have their shit together because it's becoming so rare today.

Girls, when you start hitting 24-25 it's time to get serious about picking a guy. You don't have as many options as you think. Just because you have a bunch of beta male "omg you're so beautiful" guys in your IG DM's is not the same as having quality men lining up to take you seriously.

Remember too, the men you want other girls want too - that means you're competing with other women for the small minority of top-tier men.

You don't deserve or are entitled to anything. Understand this before reality checks you.

As the saying goes:

You can ignore reality, but you cannot ignore the consequences of ignoring reality.