I’m a man. It’s taken a long time to actually feel like a man. To have money, purpose, success, women and all the trappings you expect from a man. I know what it’s like to be a 25 year old failure. How painful it is to technically be a man, but to not feel like a man.
Here is some wisdom to help you become a man yourself.
1 – Win and value winning
Some people have more than others. Rightly or wrongly is another issue but inequality will always exist. The participation trophy generation however wants to upend everything by devaluing the reality of competing, hard work, winning and more importantly, FAILING.
Failing is a tragedy.
I’m not Gary V who’s going to tell you eveythings going to be OK and to just brush yourself off an keep going. No. Failure is a tragedy, it’s painful because it points to an inadequacy and worse, an inadequacy we may not know how or be able to fix.
What I said is true, BUT does that somehow exempt you from reality? From your own life? Does it give you permission to cry foul at others who are in fact better than you? Who have more than you?
These are not just words. I’ve been blogging since 2010 on EdgeofDavid.com – I failed to grow an audience and make money. Pintrest, YouTube, SEO – none of it really works for me. I’m safely ignored as is the reality for most bloggers (which is why blogging is risky).
Other people who started their blogs in 2011 were making 6 figures by 2013 or 2014. But me? Not only did my blog never really catch on, my who portfolio of websites crashed and burned putting me back at zero after years of work. Having to start over from scratch.
Failure is a tragedy because it robs the world of of the person you could have become.
What it really boils down to though is envy. Envy of the accomplishments of others. Envy of the perceived good luck and good fortune some appear to have while you struggle. Combined with an ignorance of the hard work too often needed to achieve difficult things.
Envy is a low thought answer to a complex problem:
Your life gets better when you get better
Shying away from winning is a godsend for those who can’t win or refuse to put together a skill stack that matters. It shames those who are winners into being more modest. Why? Masculinity is partly about celebrating victory and victory comes from winning difficult battles.
It’s why statues of men on horse back are built. To celebrate accomplishments, to remember valiant efforts and it’s a bit about male hero worship and it’s pain that forces you to confront the reality that you’re a loser.
It’s time to look in the mirror and feel that shame.
Instead though, you want to throw bricks through the windows of other peoples lives who are doing better than you instead of looking in the proverbial mirror and taking a personal inventory of yourself.
A lot of people are going to be better than you. Genetically gifted perhaps, richer family, luckier or they worked harder (or some combination of all of these).
But again, this does not exempt you from the reality of winners and losers in life. If you’re not set out to be a winner, to overcome adversity, you already know your fate.
2 – Learn how to fight
You will have to know how to fight in two different ways, mentally and physically.
Never allow people to walk all over you. This sort of response to conflict becomes a habit, a bad one you’ll need to correct at some point because it results in you constantly being a victim and feeling like a victim. With an anger brewing inside you because of how you were unjustly treated.
Instead just let out your masculine power in a confrontational, controlled, adult way. No one is allowed to talk down to you and how dare they do (unless you’re in the military!).
When a man continually shys away from confrontation he becomes less of a man. So fight when you need to, mentally and physically.
There are consequences to every action. But if someone has problem with you, your relationship with them won’t improve by you demonstrating weakness in the face of conflict.
Avoid fighting at almost all costs. A fight can quickly escalate into mortal combat where your life is at stake.
Try to avoid fighting with drugged up idiots and don’t take it personally. Often they simply don’t know themselves. Better yet, try to avoid violence ridden situations in the first place.
Calm the situations with words when possible as well to avoid a fight too. Mean words and a hurt ego are preferred to a broken jaw, gun shots or a knife stab.
Mike Cernovich suggests the following:
“Rule 1. Do not fight unless your life or health is at risk.
Rule 2. Proceed with extreme violence.
Rule 3. Get the hell out of there as soon as it’s over.”
Right, simple and effective rules to follow. No one likes to be disrespected, but again a fight can escalate all too quickly to where you could literally be killed.
I’ve done this two times. First time was on the BTS in Bangkok where this 40 year old guy who was a bit drunk bumped into me and told me how rude I was. He was annoying and trying to start a fight but it was 10 at night, I was with my girlfriend, he was with his prostitute girlfriend and it was just not worth it.
The second time I was accosted at a cafe by a Chinese guy who I came close to getting into a fight with. He was mad at me because he was being rude to me and I told him to fuck off. A lot of guys look at me and see someone they can push around. Almost always are they surprised to learn I have a backbone.
Anyways, learning how to fight becomes more essential the smaller you are too. At 5,9 and 166 lbs I’m talking from experience. I’m just not that large and over powering. I’m as big as my frame allows. I’m also not a particularly talented fighter. I’m dangerous, but let’s be honest. Against a 200 lb man I’m useless.
You know yourself if you have the knack for fighting or not however. A guy I worked with in Thailand was Chad Brook. At 5 ft 8 inches and weighs 170 something pounds, his cousin is Kell Brook a professional fighter from England. Chad is dangerous. I’ve seen him knock out 6 ft 200+ pound guys with ease. A born fighter if there ever was one.
If you don’t have any talent it’s time to develop some defensive skills. As a former wrestler, grappling skills are extremely useful once a fight moves beyond punches. A combination of skill, size and strength will quickly come into play once you’re on the ground and any skill at this point will play into your favor.
This will just be “broscience” a bit, but I’ve noticed from my personal sparring matches that you’re able to fight and defend against someone who is 20 lbs bigger or smaller than you. Beyond 20 lbs bigger, there is not much you’re going to do with your combat skills, and someone even 20 lbs smaller than you can still beat you in a fight.
Should you carry a weapon on you? Particularly if you’re smaller? Well that is a profound legal question that could get you in a lot of trouble if you’re not aware of the laws. Another question is should you learn how to use a gun? YES.
I would not carry a weapon on me unless I knew the risk of violence was possible, even to a slight degree. Be aware of the law and use your common sense to avoid situations and low-class people.
To end this section, avoid fighting unless you absolutely have no choice. When you do fight show no mercy as you should consider the situation as fighting for your life and well being. Be the person who wins (see point 1) and leave the fight on your terms, not your assailants.
3 – Lift weights
A man will not feel like a man if he does not lift weights and build a man body.
Women naturally have higher body fat percentages and can look good at various body sizes with only needing to watch what they eat and get a little cardio in.
Men however need to lift weights. Without weight training a man will be soft and weak. He won’t look like a man nor feel like a man. You don’t get muscles naturally without working for it.
Case in point, myself.
I look younger and healthier at 33 with a lean body and a 4 pack than I did at 27 with my a-cup man boobies.
Did I get this body because I run like I’m some mentally ill vegan? NO.
Diet, diet diet you idiots, and lifting weights and fasting. For cardio all I do is walk or do a light jog 15 minutes a week, three times.
Lifting weights has all sorts of benefits. For my case it’s apparently a super power to turn back time and look better as one ages.
What exercises should you focus on as a man? Easy:
- Pull ups and chin ups.
- Dead lifts.
- Bench press.
- Overhead press.
- Dumbbell Curls
These exercises will make you strong. Once you build the habit of exercise, go ahead and start to incorporate more advanced stuff. But these core exercises which you should be doing for at least 6 reps 2-3 times a week will help you make huge gains with regards to your strength and muscular appearance.
Also, lift heavy. I do pyramid training. I start with my max, lifting a weight I can only lift one or two times and then progressing downward on the weight. Ending at a weight where I can do 7-8 reps.
4 – Don’t concern yourself with opinions
People fall into two groups.
The first group deeply care about what other people think of them.
The other group does not give a shit.
I’m not sure where we all start out. I would guess we all care about opinions because of group dynamics. But it’s something to abandon in this modern world because you’re not living in a tribe with 100 people where if 2 or 3 people don’t like you, it could mean your death.
We all have our sensitivities, particular things a person could say that would get to us, but a man should not be bothered by off hand comments. It’s juvenile and not very manly.
5 – Learn how to Say no
We’re too weak, too soft, too lazy to say no. Saying no should be a way of life, it should be taught at universities, it should be reclaimed for what it is. The most fundamental control we possess. NO, I will not go, NO, I will not spend time with you, NO, I need to to do nothing because this weekend I’m competing.
Saying NO is discipline. We jump at the opportunities to help others, to be virtuous and to contribute.
But sometimes selfishness is needed. To do you first before you help others. To make sure you get yours so you can actually give more.
Start saying NO to things that prevent you from being your best at your work and relationships.
6 – Be alone
Read solitude and leadership, it’s a lecture delivered to 1st year military cadets at West Point.
To summarize it’s about how there is a lack of leadership because we have a lack of thinkers and visionaries. People who go beyond the how and contemplate if it’s something that even should be done:
What we don’t have, in other words, are thinkers. People who can think for themselves. People who can formulate a new direction: for the country, for a corporation or a college, for the Army—a new way of doing things, a new way of looking at things. People, in other words, with vision.
You become a visionary by embracing solitude. By being alone with ones own thoughts and keeping those thoughts free from influence so you can cultivate a mind of independent thinking.
7 – Create and Build
Men need to create and build or we die. Men need hobbies (which are anything a woman deems a waste of time). Men need to constantly have a project to work on.
If you find yourself bored, it’s because you’re not building something. I don’t mean in a literal sense either. Building can mean building that website, taking up a new sport or project like learning how to hunt or taking up snowboarding.
Men need to build or we die a slow death of our spirit.
8 – Vet women better and be selective
Only weak men take whatever they can get. Men worth their salt are the real prize and can be selective. One thing to note is the concept of ying and yang holds true for relationships.
If you want a more feminine woman, you need to be a more masculine man. Unless you’re insecure and need to control the women in your life. In which point you’re dating down.
Masculine men are always with beautiful women because they have the qualities such women find attractive. Look at the couples in your lives and they almost always match by the degree of femininity and masculinity.
This is why you see short, fat blue haired women with a scrawny man wearing a fedora and sporting a long mangled beard.
9 – Keep your testosterone levels high
I talked about in my soyboys post how it’s not ok to be low t. If you have low T you feel like crap. You can start optimizing your T levels through exercise, supplementing with magnesium and zine, and lastly keeping your body fat low by eating right. Foods with high fat, high protein are what your man body wants.
Keep it light on the carbs and sugar.
10 – Stop playing video games
Video games are such a massive waste of time. It’s fine if you’re a boy but once you become a man it’s time to move on from this addictive behavior. Think about every guy you know who plays games for hours and hours each day. Are they the sort of guy you aspire to?
Then stop emulating their behavior and start emulating guys you want to be like.
11 – Develop a reading habit
Books are so valuable.
They really are. You have minds from 1000 years ago you can learn from today. You have doctors, men with IQ’s of over 150 whom you can read and learn from.
WHY don’t you?
Is YouTube really that good?
Honestly, your YouTube watching, video game playing stuff is just a habit that needs to be broken into a million pieces and replaced with reading good books. Books teach you how to write, think and speak by introducing new vocabulary words and giving your the verbal tools to correctly express yourself.
Conclusion – Be a Man
Be a man. An interesting and dynamic man who has choice in life. I don’t pretend to have all the answers, but when I see other human beings screwing up I feel compelled to write.
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