22 Ways To Be a Man Who Has Choice in Life
How to be a great man. LFG.
Women all want the same top 20% of men. Not my opinion, it's literally backed up by data on how women behave on dating sites.
This really should be no surprise to most young men. Remember in high school where all the girls like the same 8 guys out of a class of 120 boys?
As I've gotten older I've realized a big difference between the two sexes.
Women have an abundance mindset when it comes to dating.
They always think they can do better - hypergamy basically.
They always think there is another 6-foot+ guy around the corner who's earning 200k per year. They don't realize how rare successful men are and how that small group of men have choice.
Most men however have a scarcity mindset and put up with a lot of bullshit from women because they're afraid to enforce boundaries and lose their only source of sex.
The reality is that a majority of men are decent, hard-working, average guys who earn between 40-60k a year.
But the thing is Attractive young women, and even basic average women today don't want an average guy.
So you can't be average anymore.
Become a dynamic and interesting man who has choice in life
So how do you become a top 20% man?
Here are some key aspects I've learned in my 40+ years of being alive over the years through my own personal growth on how to be a man women admire and other men respect and want to be like.
If this is your first time here, I'm a guy who went from working a corporate job in my 20s, to being a broke English teacher in Thailand (broke but enjoying life) to building an online business and being free.
No, I'm not some 20 year old kid writing about how to be a man. Anyways, let's get to it.
HOW TO BE A GREAT MAN
1) Life weights & exercise 3x a week minimum
Exercise is not just for physical development, it is for mental and physical health. You have to exercise to be healthy, in both mind and body.
Exercise just has to be a part of your daily routine just like shitting, showering, and shaving. It's just something you do no matter what.
Exercise is also the way you develop energy. Like Ralph Waldo Emerson said, the world belongs to the energetic.
I can promise you one thing: People will treat you better when you look fit and competent.
In my life I have been skinny fat and I have been fit and muscular.
Here's what I learned…
When you're skinny you're just a regular person, when you're fat you look lazy, beta and stupid, when you're muscled up you become something more and people treat you as something more.
To be the best you can be requires you to develop your body to the best of its ability.
Remember, physical development is not exactly the same thing as exercising.
Exercise is what you do for your heart and your mind, physical development is what you do to make your body look like Zeus and you cannot die without trying to looking like Zeus at least once.
"It is a shame for a man to grow old without seeing the beauty and strength of which his body is capable" - Socrates.
2) Don't use drugs and don't drink alcohol regularly
To be a great man of business you must always be of a calm, clear mind.
There is no other way to say it but to say it plainly: drugs and alcohol will ruin you if you make a habit of using them regularly. Regularly is every week as far as I'm concerned.
This is one area where I really do recommend moderation or total abstinence if you're not able to do moderation.
A glass of wine with dinner is fine. A few beers with the fellas every few weeks is no problem too.
Making a habit of getting and being intoxicated every week is not.
Alcohol slows you down like nothing else. Hung over the first day, 70% the next day, 90% the day after that. That's what? 2-3 days out of the week you're not at your best?
WTF man, stop being stupid.
PT Barnum said it well:
As no man can succeed in business unless he has a brain to enable him to lay his plans, and reason to guide him in their execution, so, no matter how bountifully a man may be blessed with intelligence, if the brain is muddled, and his judgment warped by intoxicating drinks, it is impossible for him to carry on business successfully.”
Nearly all mentally ill and depressed people have a problem with drugs and alcohol.
Here are a few people who loved drugs and alcohol (notice how they ended up):
- Kurt Cobain
- Liam Payne
- Jimi Hendrix
- Chester Bennington
- Chris Cornell
- Layne Staley
- Heath Ledger
Everybody who stays in the party scene can expect a) their minds to turn to mush and b) to one day wake up in jail, the nuthouse, the intensive care unit, or the morgue where they won't wake up at all.
Jail is the best you can hope for when you play around with the hard stuff and that is why so many jailbirds say “I go to jail to clean up.”
Spending your life wasted is just wasting your life.
Don't make the mistake of thinking I am speaking of performance enhancing drugs, I am speaking only of performance decreasing drugs.
Performance enhancing drugs are almost a necessity in this world.
3) Maintain high testosterone and low estrogen levels
Ah testosterone, a weird thing you have to start paying attention to as you age.
Hormones are everything and you need to maintain healthy testosterone levels to feel your best.
This becomes ever more important as you age.
...but no matter your age, if you're feeling like shit all the time: tired, have difficulty putting on muscle, low energy and libido and you're doing everything right (you're not fat, you life weights, eat natural food, steak and eggs, and are not a chronic drinker).
You may have a hormone issue. So get your blood work done to see what your levels are and if you're healthy.
Then do things to optimize your testosterone levels.
I would suggest checking out the following:
The Definitive Testosterone Replacement Therapy MANual - Best resource on the topic.
Tongkat ali - natural testosterone boosting supplement.
35 Ways to boost testosterone naturally - Free ebook with helpful, actionable advice from AJ Cortes.
4) Open your eyes to reality
It is the #1 duty of a leader to make sure his eyes are open. It sounds obvious but it isn't. When I speak simple truths to people they look at me like I'm an alien.
As if to say “b-b-b-but you cannot say that! Truth should be ignored!”
So many people are oblivious to reality. They would rather believe in a fairy tale of a third eye rather than open their two regular eyes to see the world as it is.
Here is an example, I found this comment on a random YouTube video:
“Majority of the population has there eyes sewed shut with there heads in the sand .. Its time to wake up open your third eyes' and see everything and anything you want..”
Wouldn't it make more sense to simply open your eyes and remove your head from the sand?
Actually, that is too obvious and 98% of people cannot see the obvious. This is their grave misfortune and your great fortune.
Their blind attitude is an invitation to bad luck and bad luck is not fit for a man of fortune. A man of fortune has to see the opportunity to take advantage of it.
5) Develop a lucky attitude
Luck comes to men who have a good luck mindset. Bad luck comes to the men who always say this: “I have the worst luck!”
Listen here and listen well: Words are magic spells. That is why we spell words.
Every word you say becomes true so never say negative things in relation to yourself. Every bad word you use is black magic and every positive word you use is white magic.
Do not be foolish and cast a bad luck spell on yourself. Use positive words like this:
- I am so lucky
- I have the best luck
- I have great fortune
- I am the luckiest man alive
- Good fortune comes to me like birds come to trees
Becoming lucky is very easy to do. When you're lucky, people will start paying attention to you.
6) Make people pay attention to you
Gene Simmons from KISS tells a great story to illustrate this point…
When I was a little kid, up in the hills of Israel, my friend Shlomo and I — he was a Moroccan Jew — went up the hills of Mount Carmel. People used to come home from work, and the very last stop on the bus stop was the beginning of Mount Carmel, the village.
I remember — Shlomo and I went to the top of the hill and picked cactus fruit. I remember when I first was sitting there as the first bus rolled in, we didn't make a lot of noise. I must have been about six, and Shlomo must have been seven or eight.
I didn't say anything — I was waiting for them to come over, because I've got cold cactus fruit. Nobody came over. Then I went, ‘Hey!', and more people came over.
The bigger of a nuisance and the bigger a spectacle that I made of myself, the more we sold.
That's the first lesson of mother nature and in show business — when the mother bird brings back a juicy worm, who do you think's going to get the worm: the biggest bird, the healthiest bird, or the sickliest little putz that squeaks the loudest?
You have to grab life by the scruff of the neck and demand to pay you some attention.
You will only get the respect you demand. You have to puff out your chest, and if you don't have it, fake it.”
Like Gene said, do what you have to do to get what you want.
7) Pick the right wife
To be honest, I'm torn on this.
I don't recommend getting married in one way - at least in the west, as the cons outweigh the benefits.
But not getting married has risks too. Men and women are supposed to pair up, and departing from this generally has downsides for both sexes.
So here's how you pick the right wife…
Find someone who has a combination of shared values and that you're sexually compatible with.
Marriage, like any other relationship should be peaceful.
You have to be ready to lead
While it's easy to blather on about how women need to defer to their man (most now use the word "submit" which I don't like), men do need to know how to first lead.
You're a man, you need to have it together. In shape and involved in your wife and kids lives. Too many guys want a mommy or a maid, that's not marriage.
Love and looks will fade in time, you will be left only with attitude. Your wife has to have a positive mental attitude jut like you. Together, with a shared common goal, you will be able to do many great things that are impossible to do if you were alone.
Speaking of love, it isn't really real. “Love” is an infatuation that happens when
- a) someone cares less about you than you care about them or
- b) a lovely looking lady has bewitched you with her looks.
We all know men who become stupid when they meet a pretty girl. This is because they have been bewitched.
Bewitching happens when pretty girls use charm and sex to put a hex on you. This is why it is very important to choose a wife for more than just looks.
“I don’t believe in love at first sight. I think it’s a grave mistake. You’re attracted by physical characteristics and you will regret it.” -Lee Kuan Yew
In the quest for great success, her helpful attitude is much more important than her looks and glamour. Chasing her looks will end up with her in complete control of you.
Chasing glamour can cause otherwise capable men to lose everything because they become the adorer in the relationship.
TLDR: It's better for women to be more into the guy as they have a greater emotional experience being with the one they love.
Remember this: values, peace, trust and attraction. Make sure your wife has the same positive mental attitude and the same goal as you. Your marriage can produce grand things or it can produce total ruin - a spark that burns down the entire house.
Choose the right wife by her attitude and willingness to go with you on your journey to greatness.
Don't ever “do the right thing” and get married to try and be a good guy because being too nice will be your ruin.
8) Don't be too nice
Let me tell you the story of the invisible little girl:
“I was shopping at the local supermarket the other day and in front of me in line was a little girl.
She looked like she was waiting to pay for something, but she didn't say anything so no one paid any attention to her.
She was at the front of the checkout line. There were about 3 people in front of me. They all purchased their food and left, the little girl just silently stood there.
When I got to the front of the line, I looked at the little girl and I looked at the cashier. I said “what does this little girl want?”
Finally the cashier looked at the little girl and asked her what she wanted. The little girl said she wanted to buy some candy.
She was too nice to say anything so she just waited until somebody acknowledged her before she could buy her candy.
Finally after she was asked what she wanted, she was able to buy her candy and leave.”
Do you know what I realized after seeing the invisible little girl? Being too nice can make you invisible in this world.
It's ok to be nice as a little one, but when you grow up it's time to grow some balls because nice guys are treated worse than invisible.
Nobody respects nice guys because nice guys don't demand respect or command fear. In other words, they have the characteristics of what is scientifically called a “pussy”.
Being nice can become your demise, you gotta be a little mean to get the green.
Otherwise you're going to become resentful and angry at the world for not enforcing boundaries.
9) Ditch toxic positivity
Edge of David
Fluffy, feel good surface level self-help for people who don't actually want to do anything to help themselves.
Here is a perfect example of this nonsense advice:
“Being in the here and now and being at one with yourself is the ultimate cure. In other words, not letting your mind wander into the past / future. Stop identifying with your thoughts, live in the here and now, and everything else happens easily and organically.”
Let's quickly break this advice down so you may understand why it is nonsense.
- “Being in the here and now and being at one with yourself is the ultimate cure” = Sounds smart I guess, but means absolutely nothing and gives you no concrete next step.
- “Not letting your mind wander into the past / future” = Don't learn from the past and don't plan for the future, which is a great way to get nowhere.
- “Stop identifying with your thoughts” = Sounds deep but is meaningless.
Just because you can make something complicated does not make it "deep" or intelligent.
THE BODY IS THE MIND.
Your body is the physical projection of your mind. If you keep your body supremely healthy your mind will be supremely healthy.
Don't you think there is a reason that Superman looks like Superman and not like the Penguin? If Superman looked like the Penguin do you really think he would be the same man with the same mindset? Get real.
If your body looked like Superman your mind would be like Superman because the mind is the body (and both need to be kept healthy).
10) Make a lot of money
Friend, let's face reality. You're not really much of a man if you're broke, are you? That is because money is a manifestation of your mentality and discipline as a man.
When I started making big money people started treating me with big respect. Not because I flash money, but because my mentality matured and I silently started to command respect.
When you can command money, you can command the world.
Making big money has nothing to do with luck, it has everything to do with your ability as a man of will (not skill). Men of will have money.
“Rich people are creators of circumstance.” -Jordan Belfort
“But David, you can't take money with you when you die!!!!!” -Loser Guy
When you die you cannot take potato chips, snack cakes and soda with you either but it doesn't stop you from consuming them every day in front of your internet porno screen.
“…touché.” -Loser Guy
11) Stop playing video games
Edge of David
It's not really cool to be into video games as a man, so stop if you're addicted to games the same way other men are addicted to porn or weed.
Video games are often a vice for the socially awkward. Those who have some big underlying problem they are not dealing with and instead are coping with incessant gaming.
No friends?
No girlfriend?
Out of shape and broke?
Video games are a nice sedative to help you ignore the dumpster fire that is your life.
But the truth is that if you don't change and adapt for the better, life is going to do it for you and not on your terms.
Your problems will only grow and grow and take you out if you’re not careful. Face your problems now, deal with the crappy life you built for yourself and start making incremental changes for the better.
It’s not easy. Life is not easy. But what is the alternative?
To be a perpetual man child?
12) Stop using internet porn
Internet porn saps your precious vital energy and darkens your eyes and your soul. Be a real life sex god, don't be a dark bedroom computer weirdo.
Sex in real life GIVES YOU VITAL ENERGY. Internet porn takes it away.
Also, do not be addicted to social media. It is unbecoming of a man to gossip on social media all day and be checking the same 4 apps over and over.
Being a great man requires you to live in the real world and do real things that benefit real people. When you spend all of your time watching internet porn or watching social media all you do is waste away.
If you love to stare at words so much why waste your eyes reading social media when you could be reading true knowledge?
13) Develop a personal style
People treat you better when you are dressed well. This is just a fact of life.
It is all in the presentation and you need to find a personal style that works for you. If you present the best version of yourself people will treat you like the best version of yourself.
This is why it is important to dress well every day in combination with being fit. When you're fit, everything just looks more dapper on you.
14) Stand for something and defend it
Have you ever read survival stories from people who were attacked by sharks or bears and got away? How did they get away? They got away by fighting.
If you want to get away from a shark, punch it in the mouth and it will let you go. You have to fight back or be eaten alive.
In our world we have to fight lecturing white liberal crybabies who demand apologies. To fight them off, instead of throwing a punch, what you do is stand firm for what you believe, defend it and NEVER APOLOGIZE to their shaming tactics.
Never showing remorse or apologies is the same as throwing a punch. Being defiant and never apologizing is the only way you live in peace.
If you apologize one time they will not stop tearing you to pieces until there is nothing left to tear.
“Apology is weakness, show no weakness.”
When you apologies to a social media outrage mob, you further enrage them and they will descend upon you like a thousand vultures in hell.
15) Be a high energy entrepreneur
Sorry, but you cannot be a great man if you call another man, or woman, “boss”. Responsibility is always the very first step to freedom. To be a great man is to accept great responsibility.
Letting somebody else be your boss, and letting them be responsible for you, costs you the opportunity to be a great man.
To be a great man is to walk out into the unknown, on your own. It takes balls of steel to become an entrepreneur because entrepreneurs have no safety net.
It is do or die.
All great men of the world have gone into the unknown and come back with their treasure.
Treasure is only for leaders so learn how to be a leader and get your treasure.
All great men of character are lone wolves by nature. That is because there is only one person who you can always depend on: yourself.
Learn from the best but always remember: There are no role-models for being an individual.
Nobody can teach you to be the best version of yourself. It is entirely your job to learn and earn your independence.
Nietzche said that an independent man proves that he is not only strong, but also daring beyond measure. To be daring beyond measure requires you to have a clear vision of the future and work towards it.
16) Learn how to defend yourself
In this world people will prey on you if you allow them. It is imperative to learn to defend yourself so that you do not become a victim. and so you don't become a target for predatory men.
Learn to be cold when it is time to be cold.
Having the capacity for violence is a requirement to be a great man as far as I'm concerned. The honest reality though is that some guys do have more of a talent for violence more than others.
It is for this reason why you as an average guy MUST train so you're not just an average Joe Shmoe.
Train so you're not weak and useless. So you have the confidence and capacity to protect yourself and others if need be.
To develop your capacity for violence so you don't shrink away when you need to fight.
Now don't be mistaken, I'm only saying fight when there is no other option. A bruised ego is better thana bruised body.
Fighting can get you killed, so only do so when your life is in danger and there is no other option.
17) Don't compare yourself to others
Comparing yourself to others is futile because the only competition is yourself. You are you, he is him, she is her, they are them.
Look, I get it that it's easy to compare when you're young because we all follow such a templated life pattern... but once you're out on your own long enough, with enough unique experiences it literally becomes impossible to compare yourself to others.
I served in the Air Force, taught English in Thailand, had shit jobs as a teen, lived abroad. My experiences are unique and you get to a point where that uniqueness is your own and can't be compared to anyone else.
It just comes down to personal satisfaction, growth and challenge.
Do not worry about other people, only worry about what you can control and the only thing you can control is yourself.
THERE IS NO COMPETITION.
There is no competition to be you because there is only one you and there will only ever be one of you.
Be you and be your best.
Who gives a damn what Bradley and Mike are doing? Who care what some young girl you like is up to?
That is their business. Let them be involved in their business and you stick to yours.
18) Think carefully before saying nothing
When you say there's nothing left to say, you say, quite a lot.
A great diplomat is a man who thinks twice before saying nothing. Heed this great advice and don't be too chatty.
When you speak too much you give away everything. You give away your plans, your strategy, your capabilities and your fears.
“You never open your mouth 'til you know what the shot is.” -Al Pacino, Glengarry Glen Ross
Many great men of history have said that it is a far greater accomplishment to listen well than it is to speak well.
The 4 rules of speaking:
- Never interrupt people when they are speaking. I constantly see the 98% of the failures interrupting people, unable to hold in their words for a few more moments.
- When it comes to business, always be the last to speak. Let everyone else reveal their thoughts, consider all of the information, then open your mouth and let your voice be heard. You will always be the wisest man in the room if you are the last man in the room to open his mouth.
- Always speak with finality and exude complete authority. Never speak too much, always leave something left unsaid.
- When you do speak, make sure you have something real to say. Never, ever speak just to complain.
19) Never complain
Complaints are feminine. Feminine types complain because they believe that they do not have the ability to change circumstance, which is incorrect.
Women can change their circumstance as easily as men.
Change is nothing but an attitude of the mind. Complaining keeps you from evolving to a higher form. As a true man of virtue there is no acceptable reason to complain.
“A warrior cannot complain or regret anything.” -Carlos Castañeda
20) Learn to be brave
A great man is a brave man.
To become a great man you must learn to be brave. Some men are more naturally brave than others (think the whole Trump fist pump after getting shot at).
But bravery can be built up through combat sports and a willingness to enforce your boundaries. Dealing with stress is a form of training and that training builds up bravery over time.
Entrepreneurship is brave as well because when you start no one will believe in you, no one will trust you, no one will help you, and everyone will doubt you.
Therefore, success rests solely on your shoulders.
Edge of David
The back up plan was that there was no backup plan.
The whole world respects a man who makes it happens and the whole world quietly forgets a quitter.
They'll tell you soothing words like “you made the right choice” but they tell you these words because they know you are weak and they secretly rejoice in your failure instead of achieving success and shinning a bright light on their mediocrity.
21) Be well read
My tablet is my filled with ebooks from Amazon, audio books and notes. While I do like physical books, my iPad mini is just so dang convenient.
Knowledge is too valuable to just give away to the uninitiated and unconcerned. So I prefer to have a tablet as my own virtual library.
All great men of knowledge gained their knowledge the exact same way: By being voracious book readers AND applying that knowledge to real life situations.
All of the knowledge in the known world is inside of books, the more books you read the more knowledge you gain.
Be sure to put the knowledge to use because knowledge unused is worthless.
Nobody appreciates a book-worm nerd who never accomplished anything. Everybody respects well-read men who put their knowledge to use.
Put the best books for men on your bookshelf and earn the knowledge of the ages. These great authors of the ages will teach you very valuable life lessons.
Edge of David
22) Find your edge, enjoy life
Smart people find and edge and enjoy life.
So what's your edge? What's your advantage that can help you get to where you need to be?
“In the end it must be as it is and always has been: great things remain for the great” -Nietzche
Until next time,
-David