7 Age Gap Dating Realities as a 40+ Year Old Guy
Alright fine, I'll step my foot into the bear trap.
I know...
I'm a bad person...
I should only be dating big fat white ladies who are over 35 years old with short brown hair...
...or single moms who are now "amazing and awesome" and "know their worth" and need a "real man."
Look.
Girls like men.
Not old men, just men.
I had no intention of being that guy, a 40 year old dating someone with a 15+ year age gap.
I would have loved nothing more than to have been in my late 20's / early 30's and to have meet a nice 22-26 year old girl.
But I wasn't good enough for anyone when I was younger. I wasn't tall enough, cool enough, popular enough, successful enough.
I just wasn't enough for a quality woman.
Edge of David
So I had to do the work on myself.
The end result was access to attractive, younger women at an older age.
One thing I find frustrating talking with a majority of women like certain female family members I won't mention, both of whom say I shouldn't even look at women younger than 35, is that they have no clue how hard it is to become attractive as a man.
As a girl, they just get attention from men because they exist and don't have to deal with the same struggles of dating that most men do - specifically that men have to compete for access to women.
They also think like a woman - if they're 27, well gee golly, they're just so "amazing and mature" that they would never date a guy who's 22 years old - they need a man not a boy.
They think their ingrained female preference is somehow a virtue.
Newsflash, you and every other 27 year old women would never date a guy younger than yourself.
Unless you're some natural "Chad" who women find physically attractive, most guys have to really put in the work to get access to women.
But if you do the work, and do get access to younger women, here are some realities of age gap dating you need to be aware of.
#1 - You may be too old for a lot of girls
Red pill weirdos love to talk all day about how women hit the wall (they do and women hate that they lose leverage over men).
But men, you don't have forever either.
I'm clear proof that you can age quite well as a man. So much so it gets noticed by people online (I'm really not bragging with this):
My whole point here is that yes you can look sexy and strong as a guy into your late 30's and 40's and still get A LOT of sexual attention from girls.
It's not like there is some sort of rule that goes "welp I'm 40 now, time to be fat and bald."
I have zero issue getting dates and having sex each week.
But the funny thing is, is that a portion of girls will stop looking at you as someone they want to date seriously.
Wait, what?
Yes, read that again.
I've gone out with quite a few girls who liked me, were into me, great sex, but said they would prefer to date someone more around their age.
We still continued going out after they said this, but it was a new conversation I noticed having with young women once I hit 38 years old or so.
It is what it is.
A girl that's 22 generally wants a guy in his late 20s or early 30's.
So for age gap dating, it does become an issue for some attractive girls.
Sure, they'll go out with you, date you casually, but they may not see you as someone they want to be there man.
There are always exceptions, but don't be surprised if you're a bit too old for girls now to take you seriously now.
#2 Girls find it kind of kinky to be with an "older man."
Young guys tend to think that girls around their age are only interested in guys of a similar age or slightly older.
No way would a girl who's 23 ever would go out with a guy who's 34.
Wrong boys, so wrong.
If you're a young guy, you're going to be surprised by how much more fun dating becomes once you hit your 30's if you do the work.
Edge of David
This ties back to a 19 year old girl I dated here in Bangkok. For her it was novel to be with an older guy the same way it was for me to be with a much younger girl.
...and yes, once you're over 35 you're now an "older man" to any girl under 25.
So, this is actually a fun aspect with dating as younger girls find it sexually attractive to sleep with, and go out with a guy that's significantly older.
I don't think of myself as old at all and I have not slowed down one bit. But you have to remember how you thought when you were younger.
Women and men are not the same.
We're a dimorphic species and are attracted to different things. I have no idea why girls when they find out my age makes me more attractive, but it does.
#3 - Young people assume anyone over 35 is an old man
I've stated this numerous times on this blog, but a man's prime is 28-36.
That means that if you're looking for wife material, when you find yourself in this age range this is when you should try and lock it down with a girl and move on with your life as it's pretty easy to date attractive 20 something year old girls who want your commitment.
Again, you can age very well as a guy, but younger people -particularly girls, tend to think 35+ is an old man if they've never tried dating a guy over 30 before.
When I was 34 and a teacher at a university in Thailand, my year 1 students (college freshmen) literally asked me "why are you old but still handsome."
Like, what? 34 is not old for a guy!
So, no profound insights here or anything, it's just something I found weird that young people think a 30 year old man is supposed to be some sort of grandpa on medications or something.
#4 - Young, attractive women are talking to multiple men
By far the most annoying thing with dealing with attractive women is that they have an overwhelming amount of men after them.
Any problem, any issue, anything goes wrong, the answer is new dick instead of working through problems.
Young women are flooded for choice and have an illusion of options. Women do confuse high status men wanting to sleep with them as them "almost getting married to that guy" or that guy totally wanting to date them seriously.
Girls really have trouble getting that men can sleep with them but not want to date them (read how to tell if a guy likes you).
When dealing with a cute younger girl, expect her to be talking to multiple men and on multiple dating apps.
You as the man need to get comfortable setting clear boundaries and laying down the law so to speak with a girl.
But the funny thing is, girls love when you do that.
Girls find it attractive when you take charge, lead them and enforce boundaries - in a respectful way obviously.
#5 - You want an exit as a man
The men I admire most are men who are married, in great shape, doing good work and have a wife and children that adore them.
Living in the grace of god, a virtuous life. That should be the goal.
Not a hedonistic pursuit of women which can become a trap once you become a bit older and attractive as it's easy to get girl after girl.
While I do suggest men be a bit of a playboy so you can see all the sides of women from them cheating on their boyfriends with you, one night stands, casual sex, how animalistic and sexual women actually are.
You do want an exit.
Good women are rare just like good men.
So I do suggest to be a bit of a playboy but with caution. Your behavior becomes your habits and your habits become your future.
Don't screw up your life and lose a good woman because you can not control yourself. To get a good woman, you first need to be a good man.
Both men and women make this mistake of thinking that "if" they find xyz person, then they'll act right.
No.
You need to be that person worthy of your ideal partner first. Instead of thinking about what you want, think about who you need to become.
Men and women need an exit
We're two sides of the same coin. Women need to control their desire of leaving a good man because they think they can do better, men also need to temper their nature of wanting variety.
In short, you want an exit as a man. Specifically a wife and children if possible.
You're not going to be young forever, so what does life look like when you're older?
#6 - The best age for a girl is 21-27
I date girls aged 20 to 30 typically. The ages of 21-27 are the best overall because girls do mature more quickly then men of a similar age, and at this age a girl is young woman and not a kid.
That means she's out of school, working and knows how to be in a relationship with someone. She should (hopefully) also be of the mindset of looking for something a bit more long term.
You can also actually date a girl this age for a year or two, be a couple and not be rushed into having kids like you are with a woman who's over 32-33 years old.
They are also not too immature like a girl 20 and younger typically is.
Noticed I said "best" however. My ex in Vietnam was 29 when I started dating her and she was by far the best woman I ever dated.
So this is just a general observation from dating girls of multiple ages and not some hard fast rule.
...and no, I don't have the luxury of living in la la land. Don't tell me women can get pregnant at 50 because some celebrity had a kid. At 40, is when you should be having your last kid, not be starting your family.
La la land:
Ashanti being pregnant at 43, Janet Jackson being pregnant at 50 and Halle Berry being pregnant at 47 is proof that you don't have to rush and start a family 🥰 pic.twitter.com/a7QY3dWLNy
— Lady L Mabuza-Thaanyane (@_LeratoMabuzaM) June 26, 2024
Reality:
It’s physically essentially impossible for a woman’s own eggs to create a baby after 45. At least 2 of the 3, if not all 3, used an egg donor. They just won’t admit it. This is horrific advice. Wow.
— Houman David Hemmati, MD, PhD (@houmanhemmati) June 27, 2024
Starting a family shouldn’t be a “rush” but women should also be armed with the…
#7 - Women will lose their f&%king mind that you're dating younger women
Finally, once you're over 35, I suggest keeping your dating life to yourself as a man if you're still single and not talk about it to much with women like your mom, sister or women your own age.
They simply lose their mind that you're dating someone younger. I'm honestly at a loss of words for this and have no idea why older women flip out if you're 36 dating a 24 year old, but they do.
Maybe because it reminds them that they have a shorter sexual market value?
I really don't know.
But just know that when you're in your 30's and 40's, you're a bad person for being attracted to attractive girls and dating them according to 30+ year old women.
You should only date women your own age once you're over 30.
But those same 30+ year old women when they were in their 20s?
Nah it's cool for them to date whoever they want, including men older than them.
Conclusion
It's cool to get the girls and what not, but I strongly implore you to find a good woman when you're of the ages of 28-36 as a guy.
It's still easy to get women when you're older than this, but it may get a bit more difficult to find a girl that is of an optimal age that you can date seriously for something long term and family oriented.
More? More!
Edge of David