Why We Lie To Others and Ourselves.

Lying is stupid. It ruins our piece of mind.

We don’t think of ourselves as liars, it’s not a label we would want to cling too like we would a badge of honor or merit, yet, liars are what many of us are.

We lie about all sorts of things.

Relationships, work experience, our past and even our future selves.

Why?

It’s part habit.

When you lie, it becomes part of your communication style. Even if it’s not intentional. We all know someone like this. Someone who makes claims to exaggerate what they actually did. Someone who likes to make themselves more than what they are. But that begs the question, why are they not enough?

I had a friend who did this. He was a young guy would tell people he was an international journalist because he was not happy with the reality of his situation. An English Teacher.

We lie in relationships.

Like the girl I went out with, slept with, and then found out two weeks later she actually has a loving and caring boyfriend because I found her boyfriends YouTube channel (and their she was!). The reality is that she likes the way her boyfriend treats her, but shes a young, horny girl who does not want to be stuck with one guy.

She lies because she’s afraid to lose him. She lies because she’s getting the best of both worlds. That is, a guy who loves her, pays for everything and takes care of her, and conquests of other men.

We can never tell when we are being deceived

We trust people. We don’t expect malicious intent. We assume people are honest with us. We are by definition, gullible.

Why do we lie?

We lie to fabricate a person we think is more likable and interesting instead of the person we actually are. This can become tiring, always having to worry about being exposed for the fraud you are creating.

We lie because we’re afraid to be honest with ourselves about what we want. Like wanting to sleep around, try drugs, or be in an open relationship. Sometimes what we really want to do does not fit an approved narrative, so we lie to conform.

We lie to avoid drama. The headache of the mental pollution other people cause us when not respecting when a mind is spoken truthfully.

Mostly though, we lie because we’re afraid.

Think about the times you lied. Usually in relationships. Right?

Why?

Because you we’re doing something bad to your partner? Because you we’re not living up to your responsibilities at work? Because you we’re being selfish by trying to protect the other persons feelings (be honesty though even now! You just did not want to damage the friendship by speaking your mind truthfully).

We lie because we’re afraid of what the consequences are of what the truth would bring. The hurt feeling of another, the ruin of an advantageous position, the light shown brightly on our failures as a human being.

Lying is suffering deferred.

You may see people who are liars and get away with it, get ahead because of it and obtain the outwardly appearance of success. But lying is a habit and liars can’t stop lying. Like that girl who’s cheating on her boyfriend. She won’t stop until her behavior creates a crisis in her life, and it will. Someday. People who make it a practice to be dishonest to others eventually have a breakdown of some sort.

I don’t mean a mental breakdown, but a breakdown of their relationships with other people and the painful reality of self refelection.

The reflection not being one of honesty, integrity and hard work. Things we want to value in ourselves. But rather, a reflection of shit.

Because that’s what happens to your piece of mind, your self talk. You can lie to others but you’ll start to think of yourself as a shit person. You’ll become frustrated because you’ll say the words of a successful person, but you won’t have that self respect. You won’t see yourself as an outstanding and valuable person.

…and why should you?

Take care of your piece of mind

Whenever you act against your morals, your integrity, your ideal self, the first thing to always suffer is always your piece of mind. That little voice in your head. Your self talk.

Lies are like that. Toxic. You know what else they’re like?

Lies are like hiding something in a room. If I hid something in your bedroom  you may not find it the first day, month or even year.

But if it’s there, you’ll find it and it will be exposed.

Know this about lies. It’s the nature of lies to be exposed so don’t lie.

Helpful Resources:

The High Cost of Lying – An insightful episode about the cost of lying on your soul.

Lying, by Sam Harris: A short book full of philosophical insights into lying.

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