Girls: asking Google questions about text messaging?
Yes? Well then, Hi! My name is David and I think you should check out Evan Marc Katz. He’s a no nonsense dating coach who really understands women.
(Guys check out DavidWygant.com)
Don’t worry, you’re in the right place and I have answered in great detail your questions below.
A question for me:
“When I send a text message to a guy and I don’t get a response until 5 plus hours later does that kinda mean rejection or disinterest on his part? It’s not the first time it’s happened. Sometimes I don’t get a response until days later. I’ve been thinking that he’s expressing disinterest… just wanna confirm it with all the men out there. Thanks.”
The short answer is perhaps. More likely however, if a guy is not interested in you, he will just ignore your text messages all together. Just like girls do when the receive a message from a man they have little to no interest in. Let’s break this down. Say you go on a first date with someone. You’re not sure how the other person feels, so instead of calling them you text them with a short “hey how is everything” message with the purpose of testing the water. If you do not get a reply, then clearly you then know the other person is not interested in going on another date.
Since you’re at least getting a reply, there probably is some interest. Keep in mind, most men generally put women into 4 groups:
1) Girls that we want to date and have a relationship with.
2) Girls that are cute enough to sleep with, but not viewed as relationship material.
3) Girls that are just seen as just potential friends.
4) Girls were not interested in at all.
Not all men are like this, but enough to be worth mentioning. You have to be careful. Let’s cut to the chase, I know what you’re really getting at with your question:
If he was genuinely interested in you, he would reply back right away (under an hour) since he would be so excited about talking to you because (ideally) he really likes you.
Well you’re right, that is exactly what he would do if he was crazy about you.
It is just like the way a girl behaves when a guy that she is interested in contacts her. If a man is very interested in you, he will be looking out for your text messages or emails or phone calls. He will consciously have his phone on him more than he normally does in anticipation of you contacting him. Particularly when a relationship is new and you’re dating someone you’re very much interested in.
That kind of feeling is rare however, sort of like love at first sight. Most of the time, it takes men time to have these feelings and desires, at least deeper feelings than surface level attraction. So while today he may not have that passionate interest, over time he could very well have those feelings. That’s what dating is all about. It takes time and commitment. There is risk involved, but anything worth having takes time, work and consistency. People can and do become more attractive over time. If you are still unsure read how to tell if a guy likes you.
So we covered love text messages related to a new relationship, lets cover some different scenarios.
Do you text a lot? Some guys, myself included, use texting as a tool for need to know information and not as a conversation platform because, well I have things to do. I’m not a stupid teenager checking Facebook every 20 minutes.
This might be an explanation for your question. Many men don’t like texting and simply find it annoying. The constant, “hey” or “what are you doing”? Dragging out a 2 minute conversation into a 10 minute back and forth textathon is annoying. So upon reading this, ask yourself, what kind of text messages are you sending?
Are you sending boring generic “hey whats up” text messages? Men like myself prioritize our time. If I am working on a project or doing some writing, your text message asking me what I am doing is going to be put on the back burner for a few hours while I plow through more important tasks first.
It might also be simply that the person does not have their phone on them 24/7.
I am also guilty of this. Often times I check my phone to see I received a text message 5 hours ago. I did not reply because I did not have my phone on me. Remember, some of us are not in a long term relationship with our phone like most.
Phones are habit forming and addictive so I prefer to own my phone instead of my phone owning me. Get the drift? I don’t want to become a devolved human who wastes time by Googling everything under the sun and checking Clash of Clans every hour.
This is why I purposefully keep my phone usage as limited as I can. It’s part of my minimalist philosophy.
You mentioned in your question that sometimes you do not get a response until “days later”.
As rule of thumb, give a person 24 hours to reply. If it takes more than 24 hours to reply, be it a text or a call, then that IS FUCKING BULLSHIT. For example, you text a guy at 8 pm Tuesday night, give him till Wednesday night or Thursday morning to send a a reply before becoming concerned. A few hours is usually not something to be read into to much, though speed of response is an indication of interest.
Moral of the story: When dating someone new, and there is no prior relationship. DO NOT TEXT.
Until you have a relationship established, texting just complicates the communication process. Just like your question indicates. Texting a guy and him not replying back quickly…prompts your mind to draw conclusions as to if he is interested. You begin to worry and drive yourself crazy for no good reason.
This can all be simply avoided by not texting. It’s a phone, just call the guy and talk. In a new relationship, keep texting on a need to know basis like: “Hey I am running late”, or “sorry I am stuck in traffic be their soon”. AFTER you are both comfortable with each other and that nervousness is gone, then text him like you would anyone else.
So lets recap on love text messages:
- In a new relationship, avoid texting. It complicates communication and things COULD and probably WILL be misinterpreted. Like your question indicates.
- Use texting the day after a first date if your not sure how it went. No response = No interest
- A delay of a couple of hours for a reply is no big deal. Yea if he was super excited about you it would probably be quicker, but the fact he replied back shows some interest, romantically, sexually or other wise.
- Not everyone likes texting. Constant messages like “hey” can be annoying, and may not be responded to. Particularly if the guy is at work or is busy with something else.
- If you text and do not get any response; call or text after 24 hours. That is inconsiderate.
Thank you for reading. Share this with those you it can help. I wrote it for them.
Hey if you’re a guy and want a fantastic guide to texting, a legendary dating coach named David Wygant check out his Guys Guide To Texting. David teaches you what to say, when to say it, and how to say it to keep her interested and not come off like an idiot…which is why guys like Dave exist to begin with!
If you are a girl and you’re asking Google questions like “he did not reply back in an hour, does he like me”, maybe you should invest in a wonderful course that will teach you how men think so you can actually start attracting the right guys who like you, instead of guys who just want to have sex with you called why he disappeared.